The Ellison Family Happenings of 2011!

Back to where I served a mission!

2012-01-24T09:48:00.009-07:00

Door to the Indpendence Visitor Center. Visited there on Monday the 16th just before heading back to Utah. It has changed since I was on a mission. The history rooms downstairs are technology updated. I loved the Eternal Family rooms and made me miss my family and ready to get back home to see them.
As I got off the plane in Missouri all the feelings I felt as a missionary came flooding back. Here I was with a companion in the place I served. There were times on this trip I felt like I need to go and GQ someone at the gas station when we would stop to get gas. Miles and I both felt like we had to stick by each other and not be seperated. There were times when I found myself asking Serena and Damion about their neighbors as if I was going to go tract their neighborhood.

After the visitor center we went to the mission office next to the visitor center to see if we could get info on a few members to see if they are still active and missionaries that served in Independence in 1998. No luck.

Me at Adam-ondi-ahman. This rock has special meaning as this is where Rock proposed to me in 2006! He was sent to Kansas City for summer sales and I was going to Kansas City to see a lady I taught and was baptized her son get baptized. Rock and I had talked about getting married before I got there to Missouri and I thought he would propose when he got home. Nope he bought a ring in Missouri and proposed. Poor guy, it took about 2 minutes to say yes but I am so grateful I did! We went and visited Adam-ondi-Ahman on Sunday after church. I love this place and I feel the spirit there every time I go.

THE NEW KANSAS CITY, MO TEMPLE

It is so exciting to see a temple in the stake where I use to serve as a missionary. I love it! The new Liberty Stake Center is right next to the temple. I love how the wards have grown. My first area of Kearney,MO had only one ward while I was a missionary and now it as 2 family wards and a single's ward. What once was fields of the Shoal Creek area is full of houses and a temple!! I got to visit with Pam from Kearney. I taught her until I was transferred but she got baptized and I have kept in contact with her over the years. I was so excited to see her. She is active, been through the temple, and is doing awesome. She was a scout leader and now she serves in Relief Society!~ What joy to my soul!

This is a satue at Winter Quarter in the pioneer cemetary. The cemetary is located just above the temple.

The reason for my trip! The Buddemeyer family got SEALED!! I am so grateful that they invited me and one of my companions to be apart of this! It is amazing and feels my heart with joy to see how much they have grown in the gospel, how happy they are and how the gospel has blessed their lives! I haven't seen them in 9 years and yet it was like we hadn't seen each other in months not years.

I was serving in North Kansas City and met Serena ( a less active member) and her two kids Darrion and Desiree. Damion her husband was not yet a member, had been taught by a lots of missionaries and was nice to Sister Miles and I but was not interested in taking the discussions again.

Miles and I was trying to get Serena to come back to church and she did a couple of times. I was at a meeting at the mission home when I had an impression to go show the video "Finding Faith in Christ" for a FHE lesson to the family. After the video was shown Damion turned to us and said "What do I got to do to be baptized?" HUH, HUH, Sister Miles looked at me and said what do we do. She was a new missionary and I had been out over a year. What a blessing. He was baptized April 2003!

Now the last 8 years have been rough, but Miles has been there when Damion recieved the priesthood and when Serena went to the temple. And now they are Together Forever!

They were sealed in the Omaha Nebraska Temple.

Statue in front of the Winter Quarter's Visitor Center.

Our visit back to Liberty Jail!

Oh how I love this place. It hadn't changed much, the smell, the tour, the feeling of the spirit. So many wonderful memories came flooding back as a walked through the doors. I was so excited to go back. Memories of tours I took there, youth groups singing Praise to the Man, a family asking to see for the missionary after visiting there, baring my testimony to a group of young adults at ministry conference at William Jewel College, etc. And just remembering the lessons I learned from teaching others about Joseph Smith's experience here. A Place Where Faith was Tested but Found Sufficent! I needed that reminder! The sister missionary who took us on tour Miles and I to bear our testimony after the tour was done and to be up there again where I bore my testimony so many times was wonderful!

I am so grateful I served a mission and was called to where I served. So many times I was told I was not a real missionary because I served at a visitor center and I don't understand this. I didn't call my self to Liberty Jail and from what I understand the Lord and prophets have inspiration on where you serve so if you don't think I am a missionary take it up with Lord. I testify there is missionary work that goes on at any Church History Site or Visitor Center.

I didn't want to go on a mission. I didn't want to be a Visitor Center Sister, but the Lord knew me and what I needed. I am so grateful I did and as I look back on my life now I understand more fully why I had to serve a mission. Things got resolved that I probably never would have resolved had I not gone on a mission. Serving a mission has helped me prepare for marriage, kids, life in general.

The sisters I got to serve with at Liberty Jail were awesome. All obedient hard working missionaries and the senior couples also! I was very lucky!

Thank you to my mom, sister and husband for taking such good care of my kids. I have a great family and am so grateful for there willingness to help. A big thanks to Miles and your parents! I am so glad we got to serve together as companions and that we got to go back together!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-18T08:43:00.003-07:00

I am looking forward to a new year and after 2 hard years I have decided to change my attitude, have more faith and trust the Lord more that he will take care of my family as long as I am striving to keep the commandments and do my part. Strive to look more at the positive attributes of people instead of the negative and not get discouraged with the pride, greed, and disloyalty of people. Also look more for the joy in life!
My goals: to appreciate my husband more, be grateful for the things I have and not dwell on the things I don't have. The home I live in now will probably be my home for the next 10+ years although I only thought we would live her 2 maybe 3 years. In the world's eye's it is small, old, not fashionable with old furniture, paint, etc, but I am grateful for the house that has helped us stay out of too much debt and given us shelter. I love the ward and the neighborhood. It truly is a blessing!
(Oh man I just lost all of what I have written; here we go again trying to regather my thoughts.)
To appreciate my kids more and realize that the Lord wants me to be a stay at home mom most of the time, although I work a few days a week. This has been a struggle for me since Mack was born. I love to work, to get up, be busy, have some where to go, but when I was pregnant with Mack I prayed and felt I need to stay home with my kids until they are in school or when ever felt right for our family. I am still learning to trust the Lord that we will be taken care of financially and he will make his possible and I have seen miracles which I am thankful for. Yes, if I did work we would probably live in our own home, have a newer car, be able to take our family to Disneyland, have better furniture, but I know these things don't matter more than a loving home.

So in a nut shell my goal is to trust in the Lord more and be more grateful.

My little sis got married on Jan 12th to Steve Miner. We are excited for her and her wedding was so laid back and fun!

I went to Kansas City over Martin Luther King weekend and my next post I will share that with you all.

Hope you all have a NEW YEAR full of Happiness and JOY!

December

2011-12-26T14:07:00.011-07:00

Gunnar spent the whole party at the air hockey table! The whole night!

Temple Square seeing the lights. Boys were great!

Our family at our Christmas Eve Party!

Mack with his gingerbread house he made at our neighborhood play group!

Our Family Christmas afternoon after talking to Sister Gillman in Indiana.

Opening more Christmas presents.

Mack's birthday party with Gavin, Carson, Tege, and George

Boys taking a picture with Mater!

My mom and dad with all the grandkids Christmas afternoon

Mack with Chuck E Cheese for his birthday!

This has been the hardest most emotional, stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, financially hard Christmas, Holiday Season of my life. I'm not going to go into details of all that has happened and the frustrations I am feeling, I am just glad a new year is about to come upon us and I hope and pray that this year will be better than the last two years of my little family life.
So for the sake of my journal writing I am going to share some of the fun parties and Christmas events we have had so my kids will remember and I will hopefully look back on this year with some fondness.
On Sat Dec. 10th was the Walker Christmas Party and the Orem Institute Building where my mom works. We ate dinner and played Christmas games. It seems like each year the Christmas party has fewer and fewer people attending. That morning Rock and the boys went to Lehi Trafalga for some cousins birthday. I opted to stay home and was glad I did. I needed a break from the boys for a couple of hours.

Monday the 12th of Dec we went with my mom and dad to Temple Square to see the lights. The boys were good for the most part and we saw a sister missionary that served with my sister in Indiana. It was nice to talk to her.

Wednesday Dec. 14th was girls nights and some ladies from my ward got together for a cookie exchange. It was so fun and nice to be with ladies and visiting. I realized that they are going through some of the same struggles I am. I didn't leave the cookie exchange until 10:30. Rock was a little worried if I would even be coming home.

The next night the 15th my grandparents took Rock and I to dinner. Rock and my grandpa have a bet going each year on who's MLB team has the best winning record. The one that wins get to be treated to dinner. Rock's Braves had a better record then my grandpa's dodgers. It was a nice quiet night out to dinner. After dinner we went and saw the lights in Spanish Fork.

The week before Christmas was in sane. Something every night.
Sunday Dec. 18th-Jessica Miles (a companion from the mission) came to dinner. In my next post I will tell you all about why she came.
Monday 19th - I had to work at Legacy Center, & grocery shopping at 8pm with two tired onerey boys.

Tuesday 20th-Mack's 4th birthday. He had a friends party in the morning. Tege, Preston, Carson, Gavin and George came over for some games, breakfast, and decorating hot choc. mugs.
I can't believe Mack is four. The whole day I thought about the time he was born and how I would love to turn back to time to that day when he was born. Life was good and so full of promises. Mack went to an allergist the week before and everything they tested him for came back negative so we have no idea if he is really allergic to pastachios or not.

That night I had YW. That night a special gift call came from Jessica Miles about our trip to Missouri. (*See next post)

Wednesday Dec. 21st- We have a ward play group every Wednesday at the church. For today's play group we made gingerbread houses. Amber my neighbor glued 30 + gingerbread to gether and we all came to decorate. It was fun. Gunnar's gingerbread lasted from the church to home. He broke his on the way inside our house.

My mom came and got the boys for an hour and them to the Bean Museum at BYU and ice cream. Perfect timing because it allowed me to get some wrapping done.
That night we went to Chucky Cheese's for Mack birthday. That is all he has wanted to do. We go once a year on his birthday! After wards on the Macey's for ice cream!

Thurs. Dec. 22nd- Grandma Day for Mack. My mom is amazing. I think I have explained Grandma Day before. Once a month Mack gets to go with his cousins and my mom's friend's grandkids to do something fun. Today they went to get yogurt, drew names, went to the dollar store and bought something for the person they drew and then exchanged gifts at the Smart Cookie.That night we went to see the lights in Spanish Fork. They boys loved them.
Friday Dec. 23rd- My niece Dykell's birthday so we went to here house to celebrate.
Sat. Dec 24th (Christmas Eve) Our annual Carter Christmas party. I love this party and we have held a Christmas Eve party ever since I was born so for over 30 years this has been going on! We eat good food, play games, and give presents to my Grandma and Grandpa! This year we had a four square tournament and played basketball.
CHRISTMAS DAY-Santa left a note telling the boys that they needed to go to church and then there presents would be there when they got back. Our church was at 9 am and my boys woke up at 8 so I didn't want to rush through the gifts. I am wondering why we even tried to go to church. They were out of control. They didn't want to be there and just wanted to come home and open presents.
Came home from church opened presents, had a nap and headed out to my mom's for lunch and to talk to my sister Cally on a mission. We stayed there until 10pm, eating way too much, opening presents, wedding planning, and talking to Cally.
Monday the 26th was my dad's side of the family Christmas party. Again we ate more food and open more presents. We don't get to see this family much so it was great to see them and catch up.
Thursday the 29th Rock's parents came into town. On Friday 30th, we went to the temple with them to do temple work for Rock's brother and brother in law who passed away in 2010. It was a very spiritual experience. I love going to the temple with family! That night we went to a ROOK card playing party. It is so fun with about 30 other people. More good food, company and fun!
New Years Eve was spent in Nephi at Rock's uncle's house. Food, games, and fun again! It was a long drive but so worth it. My kids stayed up until 11:45pm and then they just couldn't hang on any longer.

Thanksgiving/First Weekend in December...

2011-12-05T09:42:00.006-07:00

Been meaning to update my blog for some time now, so now it is an overload of pictures trying to catch up. I have to stay caught up as we have many exciting things coming up in anticipation for Christmas. First picture I would like to share because it doesn't happen very often. Two boys not fighting but sitting on the couch watching TV and actually being nice to each other. These two can be the best of friends at times and the worst enemy's at time. But I love when I see this.

We had lots of leaves to rack up on our yard this year, as in every year so the boys decided to rack the leaves by their slide and slide down into a pile of leaves!

A few days later, getting dressed to go outside to play in the first snow fall of the year. Sat. Nov. 19th, 2011.

For thanksgiving we headed to Island Park, ID to visit Rock's parents and have thanksgivng with them. Island Park had about a foot of snow already. We left Wednesday night, woke up and it was Thanksgiving. In the Ellison family they make a southern dish (Rock's dad is from South Carolina) called Ambrosia. It is a bunch of fruit, sugar, cocunut, pecans, and fruit cocktail mixed together. Not a huge fan, but the Ellison boys love it. Mack was helping peel the oranges to go in the ambrosia.

To bad Mack couldn't have any since it had pecans in it. A week before Thanksgiving Mack ate some pastachios with his dad and had an allergic reactions to them. His tongue swell up and had a fever for the rest of the night. I took him to the doctor and we now have to visit and allergist to see what exactly he is allergic to, how bad, etc. So no nuts until we visit the allergist. Because of thanksgiving week and them being booked we haven't made it there yet. I hope it is not too serious.

Before we had the big meal on Thursday we went outside and went sledding. Here is Gunnar.

And Mack running in the snow.

All the Ellison cousin together. Been about a year or so since they have all been together.

Mack and Gunnar decided to take off their shirts to eat the Thanksgiving dinner.

The Friday after Thanksgiving Rock and I went to the Rexburg Temple (45 minutes from Island Park) in the morning and then took the kids to a resort club house to swim and Rock and I played raquetball. It was fun and fun to win my husband at raquetball. Rock's brother's family left Friday morning because they were sick and we ended up leaving Sat. morning. We woke up to -5 degrees and I was not about to spend the whole day inside a cabin. So we headed home.

Mack and Gunnar reading a Christmas story together.

After our 5 hour drive to Island Park the week of Thanksgiving we decided to take another trip the next weekend to St. George. My family, Rock and I and some friends where playing in a Toys for Tots Christmas Softball Tournament. So glad the boys slept most of the way down to St. George.

Mack and Gunnar at the ball field Sat. morning. They sat so still and watched us play two games that morning.

Rock and I before playing our third game. We won 2 and lost 2 but we did much better than last year. I love the game of softball and makes it all the better to play with your sisters, dad, husband, and brother in law. Oh and future brother in law. Had to check out is softball skills before we gave to go ahead for him to marry my sister in Jan. He did great so the wedding is still on. He caught great fly balls in right field and got a base most of the time. What a fun weekend! Oh and of course my mom was right there to support us!

Our little family stayed with some good friends Mary and Brent while in St. George. They are more like family to us. While Rock and Brent were hangin out we took the boys to a carosel on Main street.

They loved it and we had a great time in St. George.

Week of Halloween...

2011-11-08T11:55:00.006-07:00

Gunnar a sad green monster and Mack a tiger.
The week before Halloween is always very busy for our family and this year was no exception. It really is probably one of the busiest weeks all year. On top of Halloween festivities my sister Lyndee is getting married so my other sister Katye and I were planning her a bridal shower before the holidays because she works at Costco and it's crazy there and for her to get a Sat. off is impossible until after the New Year and she is getting married on Jan 12th.

Tuesday the 25th was our ward party. They got to play games, eat and go through a small haunted stage.

Thursday was Mack's preschool program. He had to say "oh hose, there's a spider on my nose."

Wednesday Thursday and Friday I worked at the Legacy Center helping set up and run to annual Lehi City Halloween Extravaganza. It takes a lot of work and prep and we have close to 3000 or more people come on Friday night.

Thursday between work I went with my sister to get her bridal pictures done.
I am now watching two neighbor boys 2 day a week. They get along great with my boys and it was an answer to prayers.

Here we are frosting cup cakes.

During all our running around I got Mack singing I am a Child of God in the car.

Monday-Halloween we went to Rock's brothers for dinner and do a little trick or treating with cousins in their neighborhood, then it was off to our neighborhood to do some more trick or treating. It was a fun night and glad that Rock was home to share it with us.

Motherhood...Changes Everything!

2011-10-26T11:59:00.004-06:00

As I was trying to do jumping jacks to get some sort of workout in I realized my body is NOT the same as it was say 5 years ago. Not only is my chest drooper, my hips bigger, but my bladder is no longer the same either. I can no longer jump rope, jump on the tramp or do jumping jacks with out some sort of protection to keep me from linking.
Exhaustion is another daily battle with my body. Gone are the days of waking up feeling nice and rereshed, well rested. Even though my kids sleep through the night for the most part, I still am up 2 or three times a night checking on them, when my husband gets up to go to the restroom, when I get up to go to the rest room. As I lay down for a nap once in a blue moon I am always worried that if I fall fast asleep my kids will sneek out of the house and be playing in the road. So let's just say it has been and will be a long time before I have a good night's sleep.
Oh and gone are the days staying up past 10, really I can go to bed at 7:30 if I was given the opportunity.
They say to nap when your kids nap...right, I have tried but as I lay down my mind is plaqued with things I could get accomplished while my little one's sleep. I can mow the lawn in half the time then if I did when they were awake. You know you start a project and you have to stop three or four times to check on your kids and get what they need from you.
Exercising is a whole new ball game. In high school and college I could run and run, work out for long hours, now I am spent after an hour. My body gets sore easier and longer to recover.
So now the goal is too still try and exercise and eat right but learn to love my body for what it is now..the mom bod!

2011-10-18T09:20:00.005-06:00

On Oct. 12th (wednesday) the boys and I visited our local firestation for their annual safety fair. Mack absolutely loves fire trucks and firemen and says often that when he gets bigger he wants to be a fire fighter. He loved it. He was so excited to go.
They got to sit in a fire truck, and an ambulance,
Gunnar and his firehat!

Mack loved watching the firemen put out the big fire.

Gunnar and Mack got to spray the fire hose with water.

We had to do this about 5 times.

Mack in front of the fire truck

The weekend was full of fun for the boys. Friday 14th of Oct. Mack got to go with his preschool class to a pumpkin patch to pick out a pumpkin and play on the hay and playground. He loves preschool. Later that night Mack and Gunnar got to spend the night at Grandma Gillman's. It was Rock and I's 5 year anniversary. We had planned on going to Salt Lake and staying over in a hotel a weekend earlier but both got sick so we ended up going to dinner. We were going to go see a movie, but we were too tired. Rock has been working 60 hour weeks and he was exhausted at 9:30. So we headed home to bed. I didn't complain as I was tired also. I love Rock so much. He is such a good father, tells me daily that I am beautiful and that he loves me, works very hard to provide for our family.
Saturday Mack got to go to Grandma Day. Grandma day is where my mom and her friend Linda take their grandkids (those that are potty trained) to an activity once a month. This month they went hiking up AF canyon at Mutual Dell. The kids also brought a halloween gift to share with the others. Last month (Sept.) Mack has Grandpa day instead. He got to help Grandpa Gillman feed the animals, ride the four wheeler, and go to Cabela's. Mack loves to help my dad with all his projects he has on his little farm.
Sat. Oct. 15th was Gunnar's 2nd birthday. Rock had to work so it was him and I hanging out the whole day. We went on a bike ride and decorated our house with balloons for the party later that night.
Gunnar opening presents.

His new "motorcycle" as he calls it.

Blowing out his candles. After he got done blowing them out he took a huge bite out of his cake.

More presents. We have such a wonderful family to come and celebrate his birthday.

Gunnar and his buddy Hunter. Hunter is 14 but loves to play with my kids and they love him!

For family home evening we went and saw the "UP' house. It is decorated just like the house in the movie "UP".

Adventure Book

The mail box

It was a cute home and the living room was decorated just like the movie with the chairs and pictures of Carl and Ellie.

Oh and we had to draw number for the world series. This has been a tradition in our family for years and years. We draw numbers 0-9 for each game and what ever the score is at the end, like 5 to 3 equals 8. Who ever drew the number 8 for that game gets a prize. Prizes are shoes, dinner, ice cream, gift card, new hat, etc. I tried to get a free disneyland trip this year but no luck. Love this tradtion in our family! My dad has been a huge cardinals fan so go cardinals!

2011-10-10T14:48:00.002-06:00

This little guy is turnig 2 on Saturday and I can't believe it. Just today he woke up from his nap, got out of his crib by himself and came up stairs. As I looked at him I realized he has grown up so much. He loves his "Mr Bear" and carries it everywhere, to bed, to eat, to watch Backyardigans, in the car, etc. It his comfort to have his bear. He likes to try and get dress himself and put on his shoes. He likes to get in and out of bed by himself.

This is what I found on him and Mack last night. Somehow they climbed up onto my dresser got a marker I left down there and drew on them selves. After getting upset at them Rock and I went it the next room and laughed. This night has proceeded the one night where water was spilt all over the floor, and the next night vapor rub was smeared all over the bed table. Oh what to do. Rock and I need to move upstairs just don't have anywhere to put the stuff upstairs as we are bursting in the house as well as our garage.

We got our pumpkins for the halloween season!

The past few days I have been in a blogging kind of mood! Three post in less than a week. I am on a roll! Stay posted for updates on Gunnar's party!

The past three days...

2011-10-08T20:06:00.002-06:00

Well the weather around here has gone from 80 degrees to 44 degrees in one day being very rainy and snow on the mountains. My boys are going crazy not being able to go outside and in turn I am going crazy. We are now all sick, coughing our little lungs out which makes for not much sleep at night. The boys have not been taking naps as they keep each other up. Today Gunnar was a sleep and Mack went down to his bed and woke Gunnar up. They are down in their rooms right now playing instead of going to bed. Last night they split water all over their carpet tipping over the vapor machine that we set up to help them breathe better, tonight they got into the vicks vapor rub and smeared in all over the bed table. Made cookies yesterday to find something to pass the time, I am still finding chocolate chips melted in the bathroom, on dressers, couches, etc. Gunnar was hiding some cookies from Mack all over the house. They did help me clean and wipe down walls and sweep and mop but that ended with Gunnar and Mack fighting over the rag and screaming when I didn't give them enough water on their rags I have been sick also and trying to take care of kids is hard, when I just want to snugglin in bed, eat soup and sleep. My boys even though they are sick it doesn't stop their litte bodies. They are full of energy and life. Well that has been our last four days. No church tomorrow as we are all sick so just racking the brain trying to come up with Sunday appropraite entertainment for the boys.

September gone....Welcome October and snow! YIKES!

2011-10-06T12:13:00.001-06:00

Well it is October and today we have had a few snow flurries today. I am sad to say good bye to summer, lazy days spent at the park, afternoons at the splash park, or my morning walk with my boys. Summer was full of wonderful memories. September we had great weather so here our pictures to capture our last summer adventures. First picture is of Mack on our way to visit my grandparents in Spring City. He was getting his nap in before his fun afternoon of great food, playing football with cousins, and riding the four wheeler with Papa Gillman. Gunnar got to ride with me and feel asleep half way through our hour long ride. Then we loaded some hay and got to ride home in the truck. Mack loves to ride in Papa's truck and keep and eye on the hay so it doesn't fall out. We love Spring City!

One Sunday we headed to Temple Square to visit the grounds and to try and find a sister missionary my sister served with in Indiana. After three hours we finally found her and she gave us an update on my sis Cally. I love the grounds of Temple Square and the feeling there.

Met my Sister Lyndee and her boyfriend at Hee Haw farms and spent the afternoon. Mack could have spent the hole time just riding this.

But I convinced them to ride the train.

And play in the huge box of corn...corn curnals.

Last camping trip of the year was spent up Nebo Canyon with all the beautiful leaves. I love it here and so do my boys. The boys having lunch.

Little chair cut from a log

Me and my boys

For the next few days we will be inside trying to stay warm!

I love Conference Weekend and my favorite talk so far was that of Sister Dalton's talking to Dad's and how to help there daughters! Husbands love your wife, for me I need to love my husband and serve him more. Understand more that he is doing his best to provide for me and our kids. Because of past mistakes and things he is doing really well and making progress daily. It is challenging watching conference with two small toddlers so I will have to read when the Ensign comes out. Rock is working a lot lately and has had to miss out on a lot of our adventures, we miss him and hope and pray that our prayers will be answered as to know what we need to do that is best for our family with so major decisions to make.

I am finally feeling somewhat more at peace in my life after a hard few months trying to understand what the Lord wants us to do with our life and how to provide more for our family. After conference I am more at peace with the idea that for right now I am to stay home and work only a couple nights week.

Come visit us again on our blog to see and read all about our Halloween adventures. We have lots of parties planned and we are excited. Mack and Gunnar love to go walking and look at all the decorations and pumpkins on people's porches.

Catching up...

2011-09-07T13:52:00.008-06:00

Have much to catch up on the happenings of the Ellison home these past two weeks. My pictures are not the best as my camera is broken. The screen that shows me what my pictures look like has broken so I am taking shots and guessing where to point my camera and I can't change the lighting aspect so lots of shadow faces.

Me and the boys along with our neighbor took a trip to Thanksgiving Point for $2 Tuesdays Aug. 23, to the Children's Discovery Park. Fun for the kids not so much the adults. Very hot and crowded. This first picture is of Mack on a big rock.

Gunnar and I at the big water falls

Really, I took more pictures just didn't turn out.

For Uncle's Zack's birthday who passed away in December (Aug 26th) we decided to go and do something that Zack would love to go and do. So we loaded up 8 kids with uncle Skeeter, Rock and I and went to Strawberry Resevior for some crawdad fishing. But first we had fix a flat tire on our way to the lake.

Pretty entertaining with 8 kids, lots of stuff and three adults trying to figure out how to get the spare tire out from under the suburben.

We caught about 6 crawdads in the hour we were there. Mack loved to look at the in the bucket. We cooked them up later that night and some of us...not me ate them.

Gunnar crawdad fishing

Rock and Gunnar

Mack's first day of Preschool was on Tuesday the 30th of Aug. He loves it so far. He goes from 9:30 to 11:45 every Tues. and Thurs. two houses down from where we live which works out great! I really can get a lot done in the two hours he is gone. When I ask him what he learned in school he tell me "I don't know"

This picture is proof they did something

On Friday the 2nd of Sept. we decided it was time to buzz Gunnar's hair. I was tired of the rats nest and the baby curls are all gone now so it was time. He looks so much older.

Gunnar playing in the sand box at his cousins in Springville

On Saturday the 3rd of Sept. we went the DriggEllison's baptism. Mack and Gunnar are so lucky to have good examples to follow. After wards they had a luau party to celebrate.

Mack, Rock, and Driggs

Papa Joe and Portia Ellison

Brent Haring a really good friend from St. George with Gunnar

Male family members

Women family members

My two boys riding the four wheeler

On Labor Day we did a couple of fun family outing. In the morning we went to Lehi Trafalga but after just and hour and many many people later we went home took a nap and then headed up to Stuart's falls in Sundance. Mack was a great hiker.

Mack and Gunnar on the trial

The pretty falls

So sad to see summer end but we are ready for fall and are excited for the leaves to change and the Holiday season to kick into gear. Time marches on whether you are ready or not. I have loved summer being with my kids! My questions have been answered. Is this the life I was suppose to lead? Was I always ment to be a stay at home mom, a wife? Was the trials I am experience now, the trials I have experienced and the trials I am yet to experience just for me. Yes, although hard at time to accept and understand, and faith tested at times, doubt creeping in, this is the life I was ment to live. The trials are mine to help me become a better, happier person. And I am grateful!

OuR WeEk...

2011-08-20T14:12:00.003-06:00

This week has been full of fun for our little family. I have been praying lately that I can find joy in motherhood and in my kids and really my prayers have been answered in many ways but we still have much to learn in the parenting department.
Monday I took the boys to my work at the Legacy Center in Lehi for a couple of hours swimming. They loved it and Mack is getting more and more brave with being in the water. Tuesday we went to a favorite park of mine in Cedar Hills. That night I went with my family to an adult dinner at Tucano's. Between Rock eating lots and lots and the waiter it was a fun night. Honestly, I know Rock and I have been married almost 5 years and I still don't know how he can eat all he does. It still amazes me.
Wednesday we went to the splash park in Highland with my sister and her kids. Mack and Jex played great together and Gunnar really is content playing with himself.
Thursday after Rock got home from work we went to the Scera Park to play and then to get slushies. I love these nights being with my boys just enjoying the summer nights.
Friday, in the morning we went to Seven Peaks. I have been meaning to take the boys there all summer but was nervous about going by myself with two boys. Boy I am so glad I didn't attempt to do it by myself. With Rock and I there it was still a challenge. Gunnar just wanted to be by dad the whole time and Mack wanted to go off and be by himself. He is getting so independent, but I still need to keep and eye on him. Gunnar was done by noon and let everyone in the park know he was ready to go home. The kid really has a high pitch, loud scream. He scream the whole way around the lazy river. Friday night we went to Rock's brothers for dinner and a game of whiffle ball. Mack got to sleep over outside in the tent. He loved it and kept telling Rock and I that we were NOT staying and that we needed to go home.
Tonight we are off to Rock's work party at the Lehi outdoor pool for some more swimming fun and a BBQ.
What a great week this has been. I know summer is not over for us but it just feels like it is what with everyone going back to school next week.

Update, Deep Thought, Summer Memories

2011-08-16T13:43:00.005-06:00

Girls Camp Last week of July...It was so fun and a great time spent with the young women and the leaders. We have some great girls in our ward! Here they are as a rock band with a couple of the leaders.

Our afternoon on the lake with the canoes.

Some of our cute young women!

Me getting my hair braided!

I loved the week at girls camp and the spirit I felt there. I was ready to come home to my family and got a great surprise. My stairs and room got carpeted! Yea so fun to come home to my boys and new carpet!

My camera is a mess and I don't know how to fix it so some of my pictures are blurry. Ruby J came to play one morning. She is a month and 1/2 younger than my Gun Gun and so laid back.

We also had another cousin spend a couple nights at our house, Korben who lives in Island Park, ID spent a couple of weeks in Utah. Gunnar loved sitting and watching a movie with him.

Korben and Mack dressed Gunnar up??

Almost every morning we are home the boys and I go for a walk or a bike ride and end up at a park. Sometimes we drive somewhere new, get out and walk and try to find a park to play at. The other morning while walking I asked Mack what has been his favorite part about summer. He said playing at the parks. I realized then that simple things please this kid. Our trips to all the splash parks, the Legacy Center pool, the Owlz games, camping and four wheeling, Trafalga, fireworks, etc. was worth it and great memories for us all but the most memories will be our morning walks together and playing at the parks. We try to find a new park each week! I love my boys and love this memory and tradition we have created for the many more summers to come!

I am terrible at taking pictures so today I took pictures of our park in Cedar Hills we visited this morning.
Our stroller, on the trail, with my boys!

Gunnar running to the park with his bear

Mack playing at the park

Gunnar my cheeser!

On the park bench

On the Bridge

I love summer and don't want it to end. I know I don't have any kids in school yet and it's not really ending for us, but just the thought of others going back to school always makes me sad that the summer is coming to an end. Mack will be starting pre school on the 30th going every Tues and Thursdays from 9 until 11:30. He is so excited and I am excited for him. He needs a break from his mother and younger brother to do something by himself. My boys for the most part play really well together and some of the games they come up with are great, but then they can get on each others nerves and fight for toys and my attention.

DEEP THOUGHT....

These past few days I have struggled with life. Don't get me wrong I love to be alive and I love my life for the most part, but a part of me thinks that I have more to offer this world, wants to be more busy, have more friends, have more family around, etc. That I am not fulfilling my full potential and yet I don't know how to go about reaching that potential. I am struggling to understand revelation from our Heavenly Father and to know what more I can do. I have peace and contentment about one thing and feel it is right and the next minute I am worried, anxious, and up tight and let down or disappointed trusting in Heavenly Father only to not understand my feelings. This makes no sense. I am having a hard time writing what I am feeling.

Do you ever feel like your life was the life you where always ment to live. Or this is the life you got because you didn't make the right decisions earlier on in life. You choose this career path instead of this one, or you choose this school instead of that one? My deep thought for the day. I guess I shouldn't dwell too much on it since this is my life and I need to be more thankful for it and enjoy the journey I have been given and strive harder to understand revelation given.

HAPPY 24TH OF JULY...

2011-07-24T16:03:00.005-06:00

Again my pictures are out of order and I can't figure out this whole picture thing. Monday the 25th we had a BBQ with two of my missionary companions. Sister Sweat who lives in Texas and Sister Miles who lives in PG. We have kids now 8 years later and got together for a BBQ

Mack and Gunnar and M eating popsicles.

Wednesday the 20th of July Rock's mom was in town so we went up Provo Canyon and roasted hot dogs, played a game of ultimate freezbie...

and Grandpa Twitchell played baseball with the boys.

Thursday the 21st we played in the water on the trampoline all day.

And Friday the 22nd the cousins came over to play in the water also.

They came back Saturday the 23rd for another BBQ and then we...

Went to Owlz game and fireworks!

Tuesday the 26th I headed out for a week of Girls Camp. The boys got to spent the week with my mom and sister. They loved it. I really don't think they missed me at all although by Friday night I missed them and couldn't wait to see them. I loved girls camp and the spirit there but I was ready to be home. I was done with the bugs and the sleepless nights. I got the best surprise when I came home. My mom and sweet husband had the carpet put in on our stairs and one of our rooms downstairs. So sweet and I am so lucky to have a great mom and husband to take care of things while I am gone. And to have carpet all done. That was a bonus! Thanks!
To end our wonderful July the boys decided to dump all my food storage flour on the floor.!

Well thats the wrap up for July now onto August where we will be celebrating 7 birthdays in our family this month! Oh our summer is going by way to fast.

FOURTH OF JULY FUN!

2011-07-06T15:46:00.005-06:00

pictures are out of order, but just documenting our fourth of july weekend. first we visited the 27th annual provo city balloon festival. first time for me and my little family. the boys loved it! We had to get up early but it was well worth it.

Next we packed up and headed camping with my family to bear river by mirror lake. rock and kids putting up our tent.

gunnar with his buddy that he followed around the whole time camping. Thanks "Huny" (Hunter) for playing with my boys. they love you.

a few of us on a four wheeler ride to the bear river lodge.

every wednesday we have "play group" with young families in our ward. my kids love it, but i think i love it as much as they do. here we are having a swimming party. mack going down the slide into a swimming pool.

the boys and i try and go on a bike ride or for a walk every day. it helps pass the day. rock has been working out of town for the past two-three weeks. we miss him but try and fill our time

mack asleep. he had a rough ride on the four wheeler.

i love camping and best is the camp fires at night

the trail we took four wheeling ended because of a lake that covered the trail. all the snow run off.

mack fell off the four wheeler in the mud. love this kid!

we woke up on monday the 4th with our camping neighbors playing patriot music from their trucks, my mom's blueberry, strawberry yogurt and all dressed in their patriotic shirts. i love america and i am so blessed to be an american.

Weeds...

2011-06-30T20:29:00.003-06:00

Almost everyday I go out and weed my garden and flower patches. I can't keep up with all the weeds but I try to just do an hour everyday of working in the yard.
Do you sometimes feel like you have weeds in your life that you need to pull out but somehow hold onto. Even though these weeds are no good and once pulled out of your life something bigger and better would grow.
These weeds could represent anything from friends, jobs, addictions, etc. We are afraid to let them go because they have been a part of our lives for so long, but once we do, we have a huge weight lifted, find peace, and something better grows in the place of the weeds like a flower! It is trusting in God that he will take care of you if you just pulled it!
I have to trust in God and pull a few people and things from my life that is weighy my down emotionally. I pray that it will all turn out okay and once the weeds are gone some more flowers will start growing in my life!

Another Post about the GOOD LIFE...

2011-06-30T20:11:00.005-06:00

My hero's! My two boys. They are hero's having to put up with my grouchiness somedays.

Henna on my hand. I have a great ward with great friends. Each month we get together for a girl's night out. This month we had a lady who got back from Sadia Arabia draw Henna on our hands.

Baby Shower for my cousin Kelsey. These are the girls from my dad side of the family that we don't see often.

One of my new favorite songs is "The Good Life" by One Republic. Whenever I hear this song it reminds me that I really do have a good life despite the trials and challenges. But really I think the trials and challenges I and my family have faced has led to this Good Life and I hope the more trials we face that this Good Life will just get better and better.

Summer Fun: 3 city parades, hike to timp cave, swimming party and bbq, girls night with Henna and fondue, 2 splash parks, sleepover with cousins, softball games, Girls weekend in Park city, and bike rides with the kids.

I love summer! I need to take more pictures!

Another Update...

2011-06-24T20:31:00.003-06:00

I have to write all this down before I forget it and with my memory it will be gone and I will kick myself for note writing it down.

Just a little about my two boys...
Mack loves to jump on the tramp, watch Dora, Backyardigans, Go Diego, Monster Inc, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and Word World. We are working on spelling his name. He l0ves baseball and loves to go and watch his older cousins play. Yesterday June 23, 2011 was his first visit to the dentist. Well his first successful visit as we have been a couple of times and he would scream and throw a fit because he didn't want anything to do with the dentist or his chair or his tools. Well he went with his cousin Jex and Mack did great. He let the dentist clean and count his teeth and take x-rays. He even told me to get out of the room because he was a big boy. I think he wanted to show us that he is big like his cousins. I am so proud of him.
Mack is a helper around the house and loves to vacuum. He always tells me love you and be careful whenever I go to work. He loves to sit with me and read books. He loves to eat cereal every morning, and sometimes for lunch also. He still takes about 2 hours nap each day and goes to bed around 8:30 waking up at 6:30/7:00. He reminds us every night that we brush our teeth, read scriptures, and say our prayers.
Mack loves Grandma Day and every time he talks to my mom he asks if today is Grandma Day. Wednesday June 22, 2011 they went to Timp Cave.
Gunnar, what a fireball. This kid likes to do things his way and wants things his way. He absolutely loves to read books especially "Where's Spot", "Barney", "The Foot Book", and the ABC book. He likes to show off for people by running and falling down and then start laughing. He has no fear and will climb up to slide down the tallest slide at the park. He will pretty much eat anything. He loves to be outside.
Gunnar goes to bed around 7:30 and we are trying to teach him to pray each night. When I tell him it's time to pray he will run and get DADDA to come pray with us.
Both boys love to take baths together and for the most part they play really well together until Gunnar wants something that Mack has and vice versa.

Our summer has been very busy so far and will continue to get more and more busy. But I love it! I just got home from a overnight girls getaway with my sisters and aunts. Love it. We went to Park City and spend most of the day shopping. Although I am not much of a shopper I did score some great deals and have some of my Christmas and birthday gifts.
We are going camping soon with family, girls young women camp, t-ball games, swimming, BBQ's and all the other fun summer events.

"Gotta be the Good Life"

2011-06-09T13:36:00.004-06:00

Did I mention I have a great family! I love them. They are so willing to help me and my family out when ever we need help. My sisters help babysit my kids and gives me advice on raising my two munchins. My grandpa just build us a closet and painted our basement. Here we are having a game of volleyball after a delicious Sunday dinner my mom prepared.

McCoy the ref. This kid is so stinkin cute!

Picture is small but this is Gunnar on my dad's horse JJ

And here is Mack.

Despite all the "bad" or trials in our life and in our world I have come to realize we have a good life. The boys got a trampoline from my aunts family and they love it. Just need a net now to keep them in! We just got done celebrating Orem Sumerfest Dayz and I didn't take any pictures. I know I am fired. I took Mack to the carnival Saturday night and he rode some kiddy rides, the fam went to the parade. The boys were both so good. They sat on our laps and watched the whole parade. Mack's favorite part is the fire trucks.

For Memorial Day we visited the graves of my little sister MiKale...

...and my Grandpa Gillman. This may sound crazy to some but I love visiting graves. Somehow I feel at peace when I visited my ancestors who have past on.

The morning of memorial day our ward had a parade. So Mack decorated his bike and rode it in our little parade. We rode to the church and then had a wonderful breakfast!

Gunnar with John Lisonbee who serves in the military. My kids love Bro. Lisonbee.

Later that day we went to my grandparents for a BBQ. Boys swinging on the swing.

Homemade ice cream by the fire!

My aunt found an old homemade ice cream maker that you have to crank with your hands to get ice cream. It is the best ice cream ever!

No the next few weeks we will be at ball games. I love summer and going to the ball fields. It is one of my favorite parts of summer.

Through other friends blogs I have come to realize I am blessed. Yes I still have challenges and life can be hard at times but this is the good life. I have a wonderful family. I should be thankful for all I have and look more at the positive things in life and not some much the negative. I can't control others feelings (jealousy, anger, etc.) or the circumstances of life and all that goes on in the world but I can control my feelings of jealousy, being offended, and learn to be forgiving. My new motto...I refuse to be offended and quick to forgive.

I do not have MS, I don't have half my body covered in burns and have to undergo surgery every 6 months, my kids are healthy, and life is good!

Fun before Summer!

2011-04-25T12:10:00.005-06:00

Thought I would share some pictures of what the boys have been doing with this warm, cold, rainy weather. Mack did itty bitty baseball for a few weeks. He was on the Yankees team. Rock was not at all happy about this as he hates the Yankees but Mack loved it and so did his aunt Lyndee.

He had Grandma Day and they went on a Pirate Treasure Hunt. He loves Grandma day being with his cousins. They do something each month with my mom and her friend Linda's grandkids.

Gunnar knows when I am taking a picture of him. He will look up and say cheese.

Mack loves baseball. It wasn't itty bitty ball he was playing hard ball like his cousins. His uncle gave him a baseball city shirt. Mack wears it all the time.

Best Friends...

2011-04-25T12:09:00.005-06:00

So I was home alone one after noon which is very rare and happened to turn on the television to Oprah the talk show. I don't watch Oprah and rarely watch TV except for my favorite cooking shows.
Oprah had on her best friend...Gayle I think her name is?? It made me think about one of my best friend Mary! I miss her. She lives far away and I don't get to see her much. I use to see her everyday during our college days.
After college and she got married, then it was once a week maybe. After my mission and her husband's death I saw her almost twice a week. We became very close. We use to meet up for dinner everyday Tuesday nights and then go to Institute. We would go to the Temple also once a week if we could. Her husband introduced me to my husband.
As Oprah was sharing all the road trips they took and memories they shared I couldn't help but remember our road trips in college to Provo late at night going dancing, or our two road trips to Reno, or our fabulous cruise together with some of our other fabulous best friends. Our late night early morning singing Karaoke in our rooms during our college days. Gayle said something that caught my attention. She was asked by someone if it was hard to be Oprah friend. She gets all the attention, money, fame, etc.? Gail said no I love my life, I love myself, I live in Oprah's light not her shadow.
Gayle is free of jealousy, envy, etc. She loves who she is, what she has been alotted in life and her friend brings light to her life.
That is what I have with Mary...she bring light to my life. Although I don't see or talk to her everyday she helps me put things into perspective. Love you girl!

More Catch up...Happy Easter!

2011-04-23T13:27:00.005-06:00

Gunnar saying cheese for the camera

Mack with all his easter candy at our annual family easter egg hunt

boys with grandma

Mack stratagizing his game plan to get the most candy

McCoy and Gunnar playing cars

Gunnar with his Blankie and Mr. Bear. These are two things he has to have before bed and his nap. Today he had a little morning cat nap in my arms. Loved it because he is not much of a cuddle bug.

Mack and Gunnar with friends dyeing Easter Eggs. The dye ended up all over the table and floor despite my efforts to put newspaper down. Oh and all over the boys hands and face. Gunnar would just drop the egg in the dye to see the water splash up in his face. He tried to drink the dye a couple of times off the table like a dog liking up spilled milk.

Yea hoo! I did it!

These two wearing their dad's glasses.

Nap time with dad.

Time for bed!

These two love helping with yard work. Well Gunnar just eats the dirt.

They love having their cousins over to play!

Smell's

2011-04-19T08:29:00.002-06:00

Do you ever walk into a store, home, park, etc. and immediatley associate that place with the distinct smell of the place. I walked into the grocery store Winco and it had a certain smell about it and then I headed over to Smith's and though they are both grocery stores Smith's has a totally different smell then Winco. I walk into my home, my mom's home, my sister's home and we all have different smelling homes. As I walk into my mom's, as a smell the air I am taken back to my days living there as a child.
When you bake cookies, or homemade bread the smell brings you back to memories of good food, family, and fun!
When I smell rice cooking I think of my college days eating rice for almost every meal and all the food we use to eat.
I remember going back to where I served a mission in Missouri and the smell of humidity in the air brought back memories. I wonder if smell is connected to the memory part of our brain.
What are some of your favorite smells.
Rain, cookies and homemade bread baking, my mom's perfume, baby lotion, a newborn baby, my husband's cologne, my grandma, fire burning in the woods. All these smells bring great memories and makes me feel secure, safe, and loved.

LETTING GO...

2011-04-18T16:45:00.006-06:00

I am letting go of hurt, jealous, in-adequatacy, anger, frustration and offensive feelings. All it is doing is can-curing my soul. I find myself becoming more and more offended to little dumb, insignificant things. And this will continue until I am mad at the world and all is unfair. My kids, in laws, mom, dad, sisters, and husband are being effected unfairly by MY feelings. So this is my prayer for the next few weeks. No matter what anyone has done or said to me I must forgive and treat other with respect and acknowledge efforts made. BURY PAST FEELINGS SO I DON'T HAVE A CAN-CURED SOUL ANYMORE. It is not my right to with hold memories that can be made simply because a person has not conformed to what I want them to conform to. That is unfair on my part. I hate seeing my husband and kids unhappy because of MY feelings. I chose to marry my husband and with that his family, his faults, as he accepted my family and faults. I DO NOT KNOW OTHERS HEART, THOUGHTS, PAST, FEELINGS, ETC. TO GET OFFENDED BY THE THINGS THEY DO OR SAY. JUDGEMENT COMES FROM GOD, FORGIVENESS CAN COME FROM ME! Writing this I hope will help me get rid of these feelings. Sorry for the venting but it is time to let go..

Catch Up...

2011-04-09T19:15:00.004-06:00

Mack with his plant. He planted a seed in primary and it has grown! Gunnar had to get into the picture.

One Sunday afternoon after church we decided to take a trip to see the Draper Temple. It was very cold weather so we didn't stay long. And really this temple doesn't have much of temple grounds to walk around.

Kids love bath time with bubbles!

A friend of mine wrote an insight about her children that I love. She has 6 girls and just adopted a little boy. Check out her awesome blog at http://www.pink-moss.com

These are my words coming from her insight.

One thing I have learned over the course of having children is to start and believe in myself...in the answers and promptings I get for my children and not worry about how other people would do it or what they think about my parenting. I am the only mother of these two boys, and I am the one that knows them inside and out. From the minute they were born, I have been interested in their well being. I am learning that you have to parent each child different. When they get older they may not think this is fair, but this is what it is. I remember feeling frustrated watching my parents, parent my younger sister. She got so much more as I got the brunt of being the oldest. But this is how it is.

I am the one who recieves inspiration on what is best for them. I, along with others have no right to tell you how you should raise your children. That is not my right.

Now on a lighter note...

I have to write down some of the funny things Mack has been saying lately. I want these to remain in my memory forever as he is growing up so fast and I am afraid I will forget them.

"Mom can we go "springing" today?" I told him a few weeks ago that it would soon be spring and we could go out and play. Now when we go outside to play we are going "springing"!

The other day while driving in the car I asked him what he wanted to do today. He said, "let's go to the city."

Whenever Rock and I go anywhere or he goes to primary, day care, a friends house, etc. he always needs a kiss and hug and he tells us to "Be careful and not to worry about it." The other day he told Rock he loved him more because he loved him like Jesus!

Everyday he takes off his shirt and Gunnar's shirt and want to wrestle!

In Primary during snack time Mack will finish his snack and then go around to the other kids in his class and ask them if they are done eating. This is just like his dad at the dinner table.

He is so excited to start preschool in August. We took the registration paper to his teacher the other day and he handed the paper to Ms. Kelley and walked into her house. He was ready to start that day!

Mack we love you and you make me laugh daily!

Recap of yesterday and today...

Two good days...

Yesterday we went to play group with other kids Gunnar and Mack's age in the ward to the park to play. It is so nice to have adult conversation with other mothers! Then it was off to go swimming with my sister and her kids and my mom. Mack use to fear the water but now he loves it.

Today we had lunch with my mom and sister and her kids and then Mack headed off to Grandma Day. They went and played laser tag. Mack loved it and when he got home we was so tired. My mom said he just hugged everyone and said I am so glad it is Grandma Day! He loves it. He drank 2 gallons of water and went to bed!

Conference Weekend

2011-04-06T13:29:00.002-06:00

I love conference weekend! I love the peace I feel when I listen to the messages shared by our prophet and apostles. A week before it was the young women conference and since I serve in the young women I listen to those messages. I learned what benevolence means (kindness) and made a resolution to be completely honest and true in all I do. Especially honest with my kids. If I say something I will try and make it happen to the best of my ability and I will not be telling them something just to get them to be quiet but I will give them an honest answer whether they like it or not. From conference I am going to work on disciplining my kids behavior and not their character. If they are fighting I will discipline the fighting and not tell them they are bad boys for fighting. I will strive to come to a point that tithing will be a privilege to pay. I loved Elder Holland's talk and felt peace at knowing I am trying hard. It brings me comfort to know that these wonderful leaders are not exempt from the trials of life and they face some of the same things we go through, diseases, financial issues, family problems, etc. I am so grateful for their service and faith. I use to come away from Conference feeling very overwhelmed with all that I need to do but these days I just feel peace. With all that is going on in the world and in family life and challenges we still can find peace and know Heavenly Father loves us!

Mack...oh you are oh soooo funny!

2011-03-19T21:20:00.004-06:00

Last night I put Mack down to bed and told him he need to stay in bed or he would get into trouble. He has been getting out of bed several times the last few nights and I was getting frustrated with him. Rock was not home yet as he was working late again.

I was on my phone talking to Rock when I went

downstairs to check on Mack since he wasn't asleep yet and I was

afraid he was going to wake up Gunnar.

Apparently, un be knownst to me, I left my phone downstairs.

Mack got a hold of the phone and started to call all in my speed dial.

He called my sister three times, my grandma 5 times, my dad and mom 3 times looking for his dad. Mack misses his dad as he has had to work long hours these past few weeks. Rock always takes Mack down to bed so this was a little sad for Mack having his mom put him to bed.

Rock called my phone and Mack answered. Rock asked if he could talk to "mom" and Mack preceded to say

"No dad, I don't think that is going to happen."

Guess he knew he would get introuble if he left his bed.

Oh I love you Mack, you are one observant little boy and really listen and remember everything your mom and dad says.

Oh and sorry to all who got multiple calls last night around 8:30. Mack was just wondering where his dad was.

Mack got to spend all day Saturday with his cousins. They took off their shirts and wrestledduring commercials of the BYU/Gonzaga game.
Here they are showing their muscles!

You are so tough Mack!

More Random Thoughts That Run Through My Head in an Unorderly Fashion

2011-03-15T14:11:00.002-06:00

First thought: Do you ever wonder what your purpose on this earth is? I know I am here to gain experience to return back to live with my Heavenly Father but is there something more? Is Heavenly Father giving me all the experiences I need as long as I am faithful or do I need to go and seek more, be more aggressive with my life? Am I just too afraid to fail in something or to try something new and daring? Am I too comfortable with my life now and don't want anymore drama, stress, work, or worry in my life right now. Or is this what my life is suppose to be and I am fulfilling my purpose in being a mom and wife? Just a thought...

Second thought: I heard a women say that blogging is a way to express your feelings and thought about a person or situation in a safe way with out confronting that person face to face. I agree with the statement and I disagree. Can I do that?
I agree because sometimes we post things that actually need to be said to the person in person, face to face and are too afraid to do so. I agree sometimes I get afraid to confront a situation and hold it in only to burden my husband and family with my anger.
I tend to say things to that other person that I do not mean as I get caught up in the dension of the moment when I confront them face to face. I am on the defense and feel I am right and they are wrong. I need to process the situation and make sure I am not making a rash and wrong assessment of the situation. I need to process (process for me comes by writing) the other person's point of view. I am learning to try and see all sides of the story. I have no idea what that person is facing and going through or have gone through that have formed them as a person and their opinions.

Third thought: While reading others blogs I sometimes get jealous of what is going on in their lives. It seems so perfect, happy and full of love. I compare my life with theirs. Going back to my previous thought, they may be facing trials and are trying to see the positive in their lives instead of the negative. For me since this is part of my journal I share all that is going on in my life good or bad. I love to hear comments and these help me get through things. So thank you for all the 2 who comment!

Random...

2011-03-08T13:33:00.005-07:00

Took a family trip to JUMP ON IT. Rock has been working long hours and rarely get to see the boys after leaving for work at 5 am and getting home around 8 pm. He had a rare Monday off so we decided to go Jump!

Both boys got a hold of balls and would not let them go the whole time. They would jump while holding these balls.

Mack can't wait to start junior jazz basketball like his cousin Jex. He came to my work a couple of times to watch the games. When we wants to wear his jr. jazz jersey he says to me "Mom, I want to wear my Jazz Basketball"

Mack also can't wait to start preschool in August. A couple of days ago we took his registration paper to his teacher. He gave the paper to her and then walked into the house ready to start preschool that day!

As I was sitting in Sunday School and Young Women's yesterday at Church...a rare occasion as I am usually in the halls with my 17 month old or trying to entertain him I had time to reflect on the things that was being taught.

To keep this post short and to the point I will share what I learned:

*I have no right to judge the spirituality of others...For me and right now in my life it is a struggle just to get my family to church so when I don't attend all my meetings it is not that I am a bad person. If I only read out of the children's Book of Mormon it is okay right now in my life and I know Heavenly Father know my heart and my efforts. Being a young mother is hard and really I am trying my best to juggle my calling, work, wife duties, being a good sister, daughter, wife, and mother.
*Right now in our family we are struggling with a lot of emotions (anger, hurt, frustration, sorrow, etc.) in the wake of the last few months. Please don't judge us and other family members on our way of handling these emotions that have stemmed from years and years of drug abuse in the family.

*I have to accept my husband for who he is and the way he does things. I would say I am sorry if he has offended anyone, but really that is not my place. If you are offended or not, I can't control the way you react to his ways. Just know he is struggling with the loss of his brother and brother in law's death. It is something that really is a hard thing.

Now I just have to trust in the Lord that my family will be okay. I am nervous about the things that are happening in the world and just have to have faith not fear!

Memories that my family has created!

2011-03-03T10:48:00.004-07:00

First of all I have the best Grandpa in the world. He came over to help deliver carpet with my parents and measured wood to frame in a window. He showed up three hours later ready with the frame pieces. Then the next day he came and helped me clean up water that flooded our basement. I love that I have someone to call to help out and he is so willing to help! I hope I can be like that when others need help. Serve others! Although he is retired and has no kids at home he has always been willing to serve. In young women's last week we talked about family traditions and creating memories with our families. I am working on recieving another Young Women Recognition Award with the new Personal Progress Program. One project is to read the Proclaimation of the Family and write down in your journal your family memories that you want to keep with your future family. Well since this is my journal here we go: I don't know where to begin. Family is very important to me and to the rest of my family. We love spending to together~sometimes we just call each other up and head over to my grandparents house on a Sunday afternoon just to play cards and have dinner together. Every year we use to go camping at Brownies by Flaming Gorge. I remember my Grandpa carrying me on his back over a dam so we could go fish on the rock's. Now my kids get to go to Wyoming to a cabin over Labor Day to go fourwheeling, fishing, yard sale shopping, and a game of softball. My grandpa is still out there playing with us. Mack loves to help my Grandpa with all the projects he does and he is so willing to let Mack help him. My Grandma for our birthday's use to take us to dinner and out to buy a present. I loved one on one time with Grandma. I don't ever remember the gifts I got or the places I chose to eat at just the time with Grandma. My other Grandma had BYU basketball season tickets and she would take one of us each time. I couldn't wait until it was my turn to go watch basketball with my grandma. We had great seats. My mom now has Grandma day each mouth with my Mack and they do a fun activity. Mack loves Grandma day! Every year we have a Christmas Eve party with family~all my cousins, aunts and uncles. And we have a New Year's Eve party. Really I would bring my friends to my family party and they loved it. I remember my other Grandpa Gillman being very sick. I knew he hated being sick and wanted to play baseball with us when we would go out in the horses corral. I knew it broke his heart. He bought us all skooters. He would come out on his porch and watch us ride our skooters for hours. He loved watching us play. I remember when my Grandpa passed away. I got to spend a couple of weeks with him taking care of him before he passed while my Grandma was working. I would fix his dinner, and help him around. I remember spending the next few days at my Grandma's after we found out. My Grandma just wanted family around her. I loved getting to see my cousins from out of town and my uncle from Texas. We spent a lot of time together the next few weeks as family. My Grandparents always came to support me and my sisters and all my cousins in our sporting events or whatever we were doing. I see my mom and dad doing that now with my nieces and nephews and with my kids. Mack's great grandparents, my grandparents still come to sporting events for their great grandkids. Just last December both grandparents came to see me and my sisters, cousin, aunt, uncle, dad play in softball in St. George. They travelled down to support us. Well I can go on and on but I am so thankful for all the memories I have had. I felt so loved as a kid and knew I also would be. I still feel so loved from my Grandparents and I am excited for the memories Mack and Gunnar will get to share with family. I am going to carry on the best I can these traditions.

My boys...

2011-02-25T09:20:00.007-07:00

Having no mode of transportation except my legs these past few days I can catch up on blogging.

Growing up in a household of all girls and now living with all boys I have had to learn I few things about boys. Sometimes I wonder why these two were sent to me and I think the biggest reason was to help me learn patients, to relax and not let the little things get to me, to learn to not compare myself with others, not to ever judge another mother, and that my way is not the only way things need to be done.

Mack and Gunnar have such different personalities I am amazed that they are brothers. Mack is so sweet as he gives lots of hugs and kisses and tells me whenever I leave somewhere to "be careful". He says I love you a lot to and gives me hugs even when I get mad at him. I am so glad he still loves me after all the yelling I do. He is very stubborn and wants things his way and will not let it go until it happens his way. For instant early this morning at 4:30 am he wanted dad to come help him get back in bed and would not let me do it at all. He would not let go of the idea of just letting dad do it, thus waking up Gunnar in the process of his protests. At 6 am this morning I woke up in a panic because Mack was not in his bed or anywhere in the house. He was outside in my car getting his candy from yesterday. He keeps me on my toes. He is good when I ask him to clean up but what I think is clean and what he thinks is clean is very different. He is definelty Rock in that aspect. A few toys left out for the both of them is no big deal.

Yesterday I asked Mack what he wanted to do today and he said he wanted to go to the city. He loves basketball and when he puts on his Jr. Jazz jersey I got him from work he says I am Jazz Basketball! He gets very jealous when I am playing with Gunnar without him.

Gunnar, although a little guy weighing only 20 lbs at 17 months and length is in the 3% he is smart and can hold his own with his brother. He climbs on the couches and up on the chairs and tables. He knows how to get himself out of his high chair buckle and stroller buckle. This week we have gotten rid of his bottle and it's been rough not to mention 5 teeth are coming in. He is constantly whinning. Last night he was up every hour whinning wanting his bottle, which I don't understand because we have not let him have his bottle in bed since he was about 8 months old.

Whenever I sit down on the couch Gunnar is right there with a book for me to read to him. Gunnar also gets jealous when I am playing with Mack without him. Sometimes they play great together and other times Gunnar is screaming because Mack is pushing him around and taking his toys.

Love them both and glad they are in this family!

Ever had one of those weeks...

2011-02-25T09:20:00.004-07:00

Ever had one of those weeks where you are ready to just run away for a few days. I am grateful these week only come once in a while but when they do man they hit you hard....at least for me they do. You try so hard to be grateful for what you have but with all that has been thrown at you, you just can't seem to find things to be grateful for.

Maybe next week my blog post will be all that I am grateful for.

Work for both Rock and I has been crazy. I work at night doing Jr. Jazz so that I don't have to pay a babysitter as we are trying to save money. I have worked it out that my kids can go to my work daycare for 2 hours free and then Rock would come and pick them up after work. Well, that has not worked out at all. I can't take the kids if they are sick which they have been the majority of the time and Rock's work has schedule changes so often it is hard to know if he will be off in time to pick up the kids after 2 hours. If he isn't I am at work and I have to find someone to watch them until he gets off. So I get a babysitter so I don't have to stress about whether he will be there in time or not.

He is now working in Ogden, leaving home at 5:15 am only to get home at 8:00 pm. He basically has no idea when he is getting off. They work until the boss says it is time to go. So that leaves me in a panic and not able to be the planner and organizer I like to be. He might be working 7 days a week for 10 hours with 3 hours of travel time. I can't do this by myself. Take care of everything by myself. I really don't know how single parents do it. This stress is putting me on edge and things are coming across more harsh to others then I intend them to be. The crew at work, my husband, my kids, my family all get yelled at for no reason.

Mack is now back to wetting and pooping in his pants. He refused to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I feel I am not letting him be the boy he needs to be and get out his energy with me screaming at him all the time. I need to let some things go. I am so worried how he is acting around other adults and kids and in public that it stresses me out more. He really can be a good boy and I have to stop focusing on the bad.

Gunnar just screams all day long and I just don't know what to do to make him stop. For my insanity it had better stop soon.

Efforts to try and get this foundation up and running has come to a halt as things are not going as plan...just my patients which I have none talking. It is just discouraging when you are trying to help someone who may need help only to get rejected of your efforts.

I have to stop comparing myself to others and comparing my kids to others. Easier said then done, but I have to keep reminding myself I am doing the best I can and others can think what they want. They don't know what all is going on in my life so who are they to judge me and I have no right to judge them.

Well, here is to next week and hopefully a better one!

Travelling Patterns

2011-02-21T09:13:00.002-07:00

As I was running errands the other day I was thinking about my travelling patterns these days. For the most part I travel the same roads daily not with much variation. Of course this has to do with where I live now at this stage of my life. The grocery store is half a mile away, the church less than a quarter mile, my gym a mile away, and for the most part the furthest I travel is to work and my mom's house. I do travel once in a while to say St. George or other places to see family members but my travel is limited.

When I was young my travel pattern mostly consisted of my home, the neighbors homes, school, and church. I lived in a "circle" of homes and loved the neighborhood I grew up in. Our "circle" was perfect for playing kick ball and baseball as the homes formed a perfect baseball diamond playing field. Summers was spent travelling to many different softball fields in the state for tournaments. One thing that was a constant travel was from my childhood home in AF to the gas station "Walker" in PG to clean the carwash. That was an extra family job of my family that we did daily.

As a senior in high school my travel patterns changed when my family moved to Lehi. The roads changed and the neighbors changed. The distant to school changed and to church. See we lived out in the middle of now where so to school and church took a longer time to get to. It took longer to get to the grocery store, the gas station, and just to town. My friends thought it was a long drive to get to my home. My travel took my from my home to high school, to the ball field, to work as a janitor at a Junior High to home this almost daily. I was comfortable with my travel pattern and knew it well. It was predictable and safe.

Then my days as a young single adult the travelling got me out of my comfort zone and into unpredictable patterns. From new friends to new places. From college in Logan to Jackson Hole,WY to Park City, on a mission to Missouri and then back to Provo. Gaining new experiences, new lasting friendships, heartache, loneliness, happiness, and freedom.

My travel patterns now lead me to place to help support and care for my kids and husband. To the store to fix meals, to church to feel the spirit and find hope, to the doctor's office, to the neighbors for some adult converstation and play time for kids, and to the gym to help me stay sane and give me the energy I need to keep up!

Someday my travel patterns will change. The area I cover may get larger and the roads different. But that is life. All things change and so will the travel patterns.

Fast....

2011-02-12T20:29:00.002-07:00

Things seem to be happening fast. It is good in a way and yet a little scary. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed with all that needs to get done in a day, but as I was at another meeting (seem to have a lot of those lately) I learned that if I put the Lord and my family first and have trust all things will work out.

The Zeke Foundation is moving along. We have a volunteer who is helping us design a web page and another friend who is helping us with the blog. I am pretty much in charge of the blog and I am learning all sorts of new stuff that you can do. We have had a few interviews with BYU PR Department to help get our message out. We are planning an event in April and a Family Rely Race in October.

Not only are things moving fast with the foundation but also with my kids, work, and other things. At one point I thought January would never end but as I look back I can't believe it is already the middle of February.

Only a few more weeks of Junior Jazz basketball and working Tuesday and Thursday nights.

I just signed Mack up for preschool in August and can't believe he is already at that stage in his life. His preschool will be held at my neighbors home which is just two doors down. He is becoming more and more independent. He loves sunbeams and being with his two best buddies Preston and Tege. The teacher has her work cut out for her. A few Sundays back in the middle of the lesson Mack and Preston stood up, looked at each other and started wrestling.

Gunnar is my little helper. He brings me my shoes when I get dressed, he cleans up the toys, and he takes the laundry and brings it to me to fold.

He is also starting to say more words like milk, no and points his finger, and baby.

Rock is just estatic that his Packer's team won the Superbowl, but very frustrated with the Jazz. We have gone to a couple of games only to come away disappointed. Well disappointed for me, angry for Rock. He really gets into the games.

We are all doing well! Hope all who read my blog, which is few is doing well also!

Winter!

2011-02-04T16:43:00.002-07:00

Pictures are out of order...but oh well!

Lyndee my sister with the boys in Spring City. We decided to spend the day there as a fam before my other sister Cally left on her mission in a couple of days.

We went sledding in our huge fields with lots of room to tie a tube to a four wheeler and take off. Mack didn't like riding on the tube but loved helping "Papa" drive the four wheeler

Lyndee my sis on the tube

Here is "SISTER GILLMAN" the morning before entering the MTC. We all went to breakfast at Kneaders.

My boys cuddling with me after a hard day of frustrations and set backs. (Explain in a later post of this day) Makes those days okay to bare!

My sisters-my best friends. I am a little sad that Cally is gone on her mission. I am so excited for her and wouldn't have her any place else, but I am going to miss her. We as a family like to do things together and since we are all older and mature we get a long great. Going to miss our workout sessions, parties, shopping trips etc. without Cally.

Cally with Mack

Cally with Gunnar

More of our tubing trip! Love it that my mom was willing to get on the tube!
Love my fam! I love that we love to do things together, from tubeing, playing cards, Wii parties, Sunday dinners, walking the track, etc.

Mack and Dykell eating the snow.

Well we survived January and now it is onto February with our so far freezing temps. But we have a trip to St. George in the middle of the month so hopefully that will help us warm up!

2011-01-27T13:41:00.003-07:00

Is it just me or does January seem like it is never going to end? I am experiencing the winter blues. So are my kids.
So to entertain our selves we decided to throw shreaded paper at each other. Fun for 15 minutes, clean -up days. I am still find paper shreds.

Mack and Gunnar have been sick most of
the month with the flu and colds.

Mack so happy and ready to get out of the house for Grandma Day. They are going to the circus this month!

My handsome little man.

If you are stuck in side-just dance to help lift your spirits.

What others think...

2011-01-18T11:08:00.005-07:00

I was over to my mom's house Sunday afternoon enjoying good food and being with family after my sister's missionary farewell talk. I saw a list posted that stated things to make us happy. One of them listed was "what others think about you is none of your business". For the past two days that statement keeps popping in my head. I am a person who tends to try and please other people and worry about what they think. In my defense it was worse in high school, but I still have a tendency to still try and please others; worrying too much what they think of me. I believe I have missed out on things like making new friends, wasting too much time on my apperance, what others think of my parenting skills, seeking approval aka approval of men for my efforts, etc. causing my self unnecessary worry.

Let me address the issue of spending too much time and sometimes money on my apperance. I read an article that got me thinking about this http://www.ldsliving.com/story/63275-beauty-redefined

I was shocked to learn that Utah is the Vaniest state in 2007 and 2008.
Apparently I am not the only ones trying to please others and worry about what they think.

I really don't worry about the clothes I wear, if I have make-up on, or if my hair is done every day. As I posted earlier....
These days I don't feel all that girly. I use to have to dress up everyday to go to work wearing a dress and make-up. These days I wear a dress and make-up to church. It is my one time to get dressed up and feel girly. Why don't I dress up and feel girly you ask...I will tell you why.
I don't put on nice clothes during the day because by the end of the day I am covered in baby food that Gunnar thinks is funny to spit out when I feed him or dirt from Mack giving me a huge hug after he has played in the dirt all day. Stains from changing diapers, or spit up from Gunnar. So I dress in t-shirts and shorts that I don't care if they get dirty.
Make-up...I don't put it on because as I try to put it on Mack is there playing with it and it ends up on the floor, the walls, on my shirt, or on his face. Instead of taking 5 minutes to put on it takes 1/2 hour and another 1/2 hour to clean up the mess.
My shoes...I wear socks and gym shoes daily. Hence my farmer tan that all can see at church. I don't wear flip flops or cute sandles for two reasons. One, I can't run fast in these shoes to catch Mack when he starts to run away from me. Second, because my toes get stepped on lots during the day from Mack when he wants to wrestle with me or wants to hold me. Gunnar also wants to suck my toes...gross.
Jewelery, forget it. It ends up in Gunnars mouth or broken.
My hair...that is all together another story. I mostly wear a pony tail. Takes to long to try and curl it, keeps Gunnar from pulling my hair, and keeps Mack and Gunnar from burning their hands on my hot curling iron.
There you go. So for the next few years, until my kiddos are grown and in school and I am forced to work again and forced to get all girly up..this is what I look like. A mother with two small kids.
(I am going to work on my apperance I little more. I realized I spend a lot of time making my house clean when nobody visits and is going to see a little mess. So even though I don't really go anywhere I am going to try and dress up occasionally and put on make-up if only mascara daily. It helps to make me feel better.)

My real problem lies in the weight of my body and what others think. I am not a size 2 or 4 or even an 8. So according to society I am overweight. Although I feel very healthy I am still overweight to others.

The past few days a couple of people have told me they have noticed I have lost weight and that I look good. I should take this as a compliment but instead I am worried. I weigh the same as I did 6 months ago. I work out everyday and try and eat healthy most of the time but honestly I weigh the exact same. Maybe I am gaining muscle and losing inches but I haven't noticed a change in the way my clothes fit.

After coming home from my mission weighing 60 lbs more than when I left, my weight has been an obsession of mine. I lost 50 lbs of the extra weight but, not counting pregnancies, I have weighed the same for the past 5 years.

Back to the statement "what others think of you is none of your business"

I still think it is important to exercise and eat healthy, but not to take it to the extreme. Little changes at a time. Excerise is now a habit of mine and I love to eat healthy because of they way it makes me feel. I am healthier than I have ever been with low cholesterol, good heart beat, etc. but it has been a gradual process. I am tired of reading article after article trying to find a way to lose that last 15 lbs I want to lose only to become so confused on the best way. One diet says eat potatoes, another says don't, one says stay away completely from carbs, another says you need carbs, one says eat brown rice, another says don't. Do this exercise, don't do this exercise, mix it up, keep it the same, etc. I am done. I am going to stop worrying so much about it. I am going to eat healthy eliminating the amount of sugar I eat daily gradually to where I only need to eat it once a week. This may take a few months. I am still going to excercise but mix it up and not worry so much if I miss a day. If the weight comes off great, if not I am going to learn to love my body at the size it is and stop worrying about what others think of my body.

I noticed this month the gym I attend is packed, by next month it will not be so crowded, and by April we will be back to the same people that have been there for the past three years I have been a member! Gradual changes!

Random Things...My life today!

2011-01-14T10:39:00.012-07:00

First, my cute niece Dykell was baptized last Saturday. Here she is with my boys and I am so grateful for the example she is setting for them. Her she is with my sister Cally who is leaving on a mission next month. What a great way to start the New Year with a baptism and a mission farewell.

New Years Eve was spent pretty much the same way it has been spent for the last three years, with my awesome family. We eat lots of food, play cards, put a puzzle together and have a Wii party. I love spending New Years Eve with them.

It was just me this year as the boys were sick and Rock stayed home with them. I'm not going to lie it was nice to have some time to myself to spend partying with no worries about kids and their bed times.

Here is my cute Gunnar with his tool glasses! What a kid!

Are you ever amazed at where you life has taken you? I am today. Right now the Ellison family is in the process of starting a foundation for families who have loved ones addicted to perscription drugs. Did I ever think I would start a foundation for drug abuse. Not in a million years. And I have to say it is a lot more work then I ever imagined. I give props to those who have started their own businesses and some who have managed to have a few businesses. There is a lot of paperwork, networking, upkeep, tax stuff, legal stuff, finances, etc. But I know this will be worth it if we just keep the momentum and keep our focus on why we are starting this foundation. lites-on.blogspot.com Creating and keeping this blog update is a lot of work but I am hoping and praying our efforts will help families in need!

Today I walk passed a picture of my wedding day. On that day I had no idea what was lying ahead for Rock and I. I just knew I loved him and that this was the right thing to do. I don't think I was suppose to know what lyed a head for us. Would I still have married him if I knew? I would hope I would answer yes, but I am not sure. Don't get me wrong I love him and he is the greatest thing that has happened to me and I feel that way about him because of the things we have went through but at that time, my wedding day or while we were dating, if I knew what was ahead I would not have seen it that way. I would see it as too hard and back out possibly. Had I known my trials before I experience them I would be missing out on some major growth in myself and blessings.

I look at other things in my life that I didn't plan out that has brung twist to my life but has been huge blessings.
Serving a mission...Didn't want to but so grateful I did. Things happened on the mission that helped me for my future.
Getting married at 28. Someone asked me the other day if Rock was my second marriage. Nope, he is my first and yes for Utah standards I was an old maid when I got married but again my single life prepared me for my future.
Kids...I never thought it would be this hard, this rewarding, and I would have this much love and concern for two boys. I wanted to be a career women not a stay at home mom, but I am a stay at home mom and I know that is what I need to be doing right now.
This past year with 4 deaths in Rock's family. Two deaths unexpected, two expected. I don't see it now but maybe this is setting something up for something else in our future.
Although some days I wish my life was different I am happy and grateful with all that I have been blessed with.

Quick recap of 2010

2011-01-01T10:00:00.020-07:00

January: Our sweet nephew Kai was baptized while his cute little sister Ruby was blessed all on the same day! McCoy, my sister's third child was born into this world on Jan. 15th. What a cutie! And my sister Cally celebrated her 29th birthday!

February: This month I was feeling very sleep deprived with Gunnar (4 months old now) still waking up two or three times a night and still trying to adjust to having two children. Working at the Legacy Center supervising Jr. Jazz basketball Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings.

March: It's off to St. George to the Fast Pitch High School softball tournament to watch my cousin Ciera play. This may be our last year since my dad is no longer coaching and no one is playing still. So sad. I have gone to St. George for softball tournaments every year since birth. Long standing tradition coming to an end. Gunnar's first trip away from home and he did great.

April: So excited for spring! The boys and I try to take a walk everyday in our two man stroller around the neighborhood. Headed back down to St. George for Rock's Grandparents, Snook and PJ's Ellison's 60th wedding anniversary. Went swimming and had lunch to celebrate. Oh and of course Easter.

May: My birthday and mother's day was great. Got a new bike which I love and I love now to take the boys for a ride in the bike trailer. Remember riding my bike the Friday before Memorial Day so excited for the summer. Feeling content with life. Loved seeing the kids on their last day of school and was excited for the future! Sunday May 30th Rock's Grandmother past away. Sad but we knew it was coming because she had been sick for a while now.

June: Grandma Twitchell's memorial service and I got to meet many family member's on Rock's Mom's side of the family. Cousin Kelsey got married to Jordan on June 11th on a very stormy day. Rainy and cold most of the month. Where is summer? Work is crazy with Dance Camp for a week and Youth Camp. Spent a couple of days at Girl's Camp in Fairview.

July: Headed to Mack's Inn Idaho for the Fourth of July. Hiked to Mesa Falls and Big Springs. Say Rock's mom and dad, sister Brittany and boys and husband Leonard and Zack. Had no idea this would be the last time we would see Leonard. Last memory of him was seeing him working at the docks helping with the boats at the river. July 16th, Leonard killed in a car accident. Back to Mack's Inn for Leonard's funeral on July 20th. Filled with sadness for Brittany and her two boys Korben and Brayden. Saw a favorite family of mine in the mission field of Missouri the Dyke's. Got to see two mission companions also. Mack loves to be outside. We try and go to a park daily. Had our first annual Gillman family reunion in Lehi, Utah. We went to t-ball and coach pitch games, swimming at the Legacy Center, and a family game of baseball. The last weekend in July we went to Logan to spend the weekend with my aunt Connie. We went to the Logan Temple and to Bear Lake to see a Melodrama.

August: Filled with lots of birthday's and morning walks with Mack and Gunnar. We usually headed out around 8:00 am before it gets to hot. Rock's uncle passes away from Cancer on August 14th. So again another funeral to attend. Had our first annual Snow College roomate reunion. Stayed in a hotel at Thanksgiving Point having dinner and the next day lunch and pedicures. Took the boys to the Zoo for the first time.

September: Headed to Robertson, close to Flaming Gorge for our annual Labor Day campout with the Carter family. We love this vacation every year. It is filled with food, card playing, softball games, kite flying, fishing, and four wheeling.
Gunnar starting to walk.

October: Gunnar turned "1" years old on the 15th. Can't believe how the year has flown by. Rock and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on the 14th. Potty training Mack and learning lots of patients. Worked a lot the last week of October for the Legacy Center's annual Halloween Extravaganza. Saturday the 30th we went to Corn Belly's with Twitchell family and had a Halloween Party after. Last time we would see Zack (Rock's brother). He helped me with the kids go through the corn maze and ride the train. Had no idea this would be the last time we would see him. Halloween had a Halloween party with the Carter's in my mom and dad's barn.

November: Thanksgiving my favorite holiday spent with my Grandma Carter and aunts Ja and Shar and their families. That morning ran a 5k with my sister's Cally and Lyndee. Of course good food and fun with family and I had 3 pieces of pie for the 3 miles I ran that morning. I love spending time with family. Hit the black Friday sales the first time in 10 years. Actually enjoyed it. Probably because I had no kids with me.

December: First weekend we headed down to St. George yet again to play in the Toys for Tots slow pitch softball tournament. It was so fun playing with my husband, dad, sisters, aunt, uncle, brother in law, cousin and friends. Getting ready for Christmas and so excited for the season. December 10th Zack passes away in his sleep. Headed up to Island Park, ID again for yet another funeral. Got to spend time with Rock's best friend Jon Robert and his cute wife in a beautiful cabin. Though we wish we were there for a celebration not a funeral. Christmas was great and presents were not very important to me this year. I was just excited to see the kids reaction. Mack had his presents, Gunnar's and mom and dad's presents opened in about 5 minutes. Mack turned "3" this month also.

Christmas

2010-12-30T09:23:00.009-07:00

Here our some pictures of our Christmas and Mack's 3rd Birthday. We were truly blessed this year and thank all our family and friends for all your love and support.
These pictures are out of order but it is pretty much Christmas! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!
Mack and Gunnar in front of our little Christmas tree this year. We went small this year because I knew my kids would knock down a bigger tree.

Mack wanted to go to Chucky Cheese's for his birthday. Here he is with is cousin Dykell riding a car. He loved it. He has been telling us he wanted to go there for a month now. In nursery the day before his birthday his nursery teacher asked him what he is going to do for his birthday. He said he was going to get cheese. She asked me if I only give my kids cheese on their birthday's. I laughed. No he wants to go to Chucky Cheese's.

Here Mack is holding up his birthday present a guitar from his aunt Lyndee and Cally.

On Dec. 22nd my mom had Grandma Day with the Parry's. This time the mother's and younger kids were invited. The kids all got matching pj's. So we put them on and headed out to Thanksgiving Point for a horse ride through the lights. The mother's all got personalized ceramic plates. Thanks Grandma's! We love Grandma day each month!

This is Mack and his sleeping routine. He has to have his books and Rock's drill to go to sleep each night.

Our annual Carter Christmas Eve party at the church. I was in charge of the games.

Gunnar with one of the balloons used in the games.

One of the games on Christmas Eve was digging gummie bears out of whip cream with your teeth and no hands.

Santa brought the kids a train Christmas morning.

And Pillow Pets.

OUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTER SENT VIA E-MAIL...
Hello my family and friends. Merry Christmas!!
I really had every intention of sending a more personalized letter to each of you, but this will have to do this year. My week of getting Christmas shopping done, baking goods, wrapping presents and putting our family Christmas cards together was replaced by the death of Rock's younger brother. Between a funeral in Island Park, ID and one in Provo I ran out of time. Can it really be only 6 days until Christmas. This Christmas our family is coming to better understand the Atonement of the Savior a little better and we are relying on its powers to help us through this difficult time. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are forever!
In all actuality this year has been...how do I say this...hum.....I will not be at all sad for the year to end. I will not however, ever forget it or the lessons I learned. These lessons had to come in the form of trials for our family. From June to December we have experienced four deaths in the family. Rock's grandmother, a brother in law, an uncle, and most recently Rock's brother. It has been the most difficult year for me as a mother trying to raise two energized, curious, precious boys, and financial trials from past mistakes. But I have come to appreciate the gospel more in my life. The Atonement has had a more meaniful role in our lives and will for the rest of our days. We have been so blessed by the generosity of others. My heart is full of gratitude for all the blessings we have recieved in the midst and after our trials.
Rock is working for a great company Gerber Construction doing concrete and has been there for almost 5 years now. He is a huge Atlanta Braves, Utah Jazz, and Green Bay Packer fan. He has a huge appetite and I often wonder how a man his size keeps his figure with all the food he eats daily. (Lucky, Lucky, Man). He is a great father and our two boys love him. He has his ritual with the boys when putting them to bed.
I, Shanie mostly stay home and try and keep organization among two boys. Mack who just turned 3 and Gunnar who turned 1 in October. These two are full of energy and I wish I could somehow steal some of that energy from them. I work nights two nights a week at the Lehi Legacy Center (Recreation) supervising sporting events. It works great because they offer free day care for employees and when Rock gets off work he come and picks them up. I love to workout and my new love is Zumba, but I also love to eat anything so I guess it is a blessing I like to exercise. Plus I am a, by nature, a very stressful person so this helps me relieve some of that stress. Some days Rock is begging me to go to the gym.
Mack loves nursery and next year will be in the sunbeams. There are three boys that will be going in together. Oh the poor teacher. Bless his/her heart. I sometimes peek in to see how Mack is doing in nursery and lets just say the teacher is trying to break those three up most of the time they are in there. Mack is one adventurous little guy. The other day he climbed up on the couch and did a front flip. He learned how to go to the bathroom on the toilet and thanks to his dad in the flowers. He has even pulled down his pants on the football field in front of the fans.
Gunnar just wants to do what his brother is doing and gets frustrated when he can't keep up. He started walking at 11 months and now is running where ever he goes. He is a screamer when he doesn't get his way and when Mack takes his toys, but I have a feeling he is going to be a tough little guy because he can hold his own when those two wrestle.
Attached our two photos of our family. We love you all and we hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season and wishing you a Happy New Year!
Rock, Shanie, Mack, and Gunnar!
Gunnar and Mack in matching pj's

We had our annual after Christmas Gillman Christmas party on the 27th of Dec. Here are my cousins Nate, Court, and Chase.

My Grandma and Gary Backus opening presents.

The other Gillman family, Whitney, Sydney, Kelsey,and Tanner.

Christmas Eve giving my Grandma and Grandpa Carter their Christmas gift.

On Dec. 11th we had another annual Christmas party...the Walker Christmas party. Here is my family with my 90+ year old Great Grandmother Walker.

Mack on his bike for his birthday! He thought it was from Santa. He got mixed up between his birthday and Santa.

Another Christmas Eve game seating on the balloons trying to pop them.

Cally and Lyndee with the boys Christmas morning.

RIP Zack....we love you!

2010-12-16T09:39:00.008-07:00

I am writing this post for a few reasons. One, for my self to hopefully help me get over these feeling of guilt and sadness. Two, for my sweet husband and kids. He is not much of a journal writer so I am sharing his feelings and thoughts as well. Third, to help other family members, friends and someone out there that I don't even know but who may be going through the same thing I and my family are going through. Our feelings and thoughts of our hearts to maybe help comfort and be a support to them. And lastly I write this that maybe someone with the means to help will help the Ellison family find a way to start a foundation, The Zeke Foundation to help families who have been affected by drug addiction and those effected by drug addiction. To help the rest of the world understand this fight we will continue to fight but that there is help.
Thursday morning December 9th was a great day. I was excited for Christmas and we had a wonderful weekend planned with family and friends. Rock's parents, Nana and Pap surprises us with a visit from Island Park, Idaho were they live. Mack loves his Pap. They left an hour later to head out to Rock's brother's to spend the night. My sweet aunt and cousin come over later that night to watch the boys so Rock and I could go with my family out to dinner and to a Christmas concert. What a wonderful time of year.
4:50 am Friday morning the Rock's phone rings. I thought it was his work and he wondered why someone would be calling him so early. It was Skeet Rock's brother. Zack's dead. No way. We both did not believe it. Dayjavoo....July 2010 same day, same time same phone call that Leonard had been in a tragic car accident killing him.... Skeet told us that their sisters were trying to revive Zack and the paremedics were there. We thought he was going to be okay. He had a seizure and Aspirated choking. We didn't want to believe he was really dead. We called Skeet back a half hour later and he confirmed to us that Zack was gone. Rock sobed and sobed. I was in shock. Not this now. Rock's parents don't need this now. They just buried Leonard a son in law. Jamie's mom died, her brother in law died. Not now. Not for Brittany. Zack was helping with her kids give them some kind of father figure in their sweet lives. No please not now. Rock text his best friend Jon cause they have a special bond. he posted it on facebook letting all know so he wouldn't have to make so many phone calls.
HOW MUCH GRIEF CAN THIS FAMILY TAKE???
Jamie and LeGrand show up at the house around 5:30 am to give us hugs and get pictures of Zack. Jamie kept saying Oh my Zack is gone he is gone.
7 am that morning Skeet text wanting to be with Rock to take a drive just to be with his brother. They both were angry at Zack, sad, wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. Boys started waking up and Mack saw dada crying. Rock wants to let his boys know it is okay to cry. Mack, trying to find a way to comfort him in his own way clung to Rock, wanting to know where he was all the time. Rock was trying to make phone calls and answer phone calls. News spreads fast on facebook. Friday was filled with calls and so much support and love. Thank you all! Rock and I went to the temple to find some sort of peace and understanding of why this was happening.
From Friday until we left Monday morning to Island park for the funeral we tried to make things as normal as possible. We went to church to here Skeet's family speak, went to a family Christmas party Saturday, drove around to see Christmas lights all the while mourning in our own little way. Tuesday December 14th was the viewing and funeral. Skeet read from Zack's planner he carried with him. Zack had a testimony of the gospel. He loved God and Jesus Christ. He had goals to get married in the temple and have a family. His addiction held him back and left him fearful of a bright future! Why Zack? You have some much to offer this world...why did you let drugs control you and keep you from your dreams. During Elder Webbs talk (an area General Authority) I came to understand Zack's heart like I never really understood it before. I felt peace not necessarily for me but for his parents and hopefully other family members and friends.
Wednesday morning we headed back to Utah and as we were driving home I became engulfed with guilt. I cried and cried. Why hadn't I just loved Zack...gave him a hug and tell him I love him despite his struggles. Jamie and LeGrand came to the house to spend the next few nights in Utah with us and we sat up talking about Zack, reading from his journals. Oh my goodness...he did have goals, he did want to be married, he did love his family and his nephews so much. He did want to beat this addicition more then anything in this world. He did have a testimony. Oh Zack...now you can beat this addicition. You can do it! Your spirit is stronger than your body. You can do it! I'm sorry Zack for not telling you more that I love you. I am sorry for not trying to understand you better.
Thursday night was Zack's memorial service in Utah and we were all overwhelmed with the support that was there. I got to meet so many wonderful people that I have heard so much about from the Ellison's family. Friends and neighbors that Rock grew up with and who loved Zack. I thought I couldn't cry anymore.. I guess I have more tears then I imagined.
The next few months as life goes on and family and friends leave (we find comfort being with family and friends to talk and share feelings) it will be our families reliance on the Savior that will help us through. Letting the healing powers of the Savior atonement heal our hearts.
Zack, now that you are gone, and after reading your thoughts I understand a little bit of what you had to face daily. Your challenge in life. I will never fully undertand but I have Rock to help me understand. He struggled with addiction also but won and maybe through efforts we can help others win also. He will help me understand your sisters and their challenges.
Jamie and LeGrand I am so sorry for yet another loss. Thank you for being strong and teach us with your HOPE!
Rock...I know there will be days when you will just cry and that your heart is broken but I love you. Thank you for teaching me that it is okay to cry. I know with your help the guilt and sadness will go away. Zack's memory never will.
Thank you to all our family and friends for your love and support. You do more than you all will ever know!

Year of 2010

2010-12-11T17:25:00.004-07:00

I know writing this it is about three weeks early but really I can't wait for this year to be over and to start a new year with new possibilities. I know we all have trials in life and this year has definetely been a year of trials for our family, especially Rock's sweet family. But of course trials brings blessing and added knowledge if we endure it well. We are in the midst of another trial but we are learning more about the atonement of our Savior and how grateful I am for the knowledge I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Rock's brother passed away Friday morning. My heart aches for my sweet husband and the broken heart he is enduring. His best friend passed away too early in life and it leaves a hole in his heart. I am grateful my little one's are too young to understand what is happening as I don't know that I can endure see them with broken hearts also.
This marks 4 deaths in Rock's family this year alone in the last 6 months. His sweet Grandma in June, his brother-in-law in July, his uncle in August and now his best friend. I know Zack is in a better place and overcoming things he couldn't overcome here on earth and our merciful Father in Heaven is helping him through the atonement of his Son Jesus Christ. But it still leaves us here on earth with broken hearts.
As a missionary I saw how the atonement helped forgive me and other's their sins. This year I have seen how the atonement can help witht he passing of a loved one. How hearts can be healed and the plan of Forever Families. Praying that my husbands heart will heal in time.

Not only have we dealt with deaths but financial difficulties from past mistakes, and as my previous posts have indicated my struggles as a mother. So we are ready for 2011. I know that I will look back on this year and be grateful for my extended knowledge of the Atonement.

Toys for Tots Softball Tournament

2010-12-08T13:30:00.005-07:00

My family and I decided to head down to St. George the first weekend in December to participate in the Toys for Tots Softball Tournament with 80 other teams. Each team member had to donate a $15 toy to be eligible to play. Though we didn't win a game we had a blast and I love playing softball with all three of my sisters, my cousin, aunt, dad, uncle, my husband and brother in law. What a fun way to "bond" as we called, as a family and we all love softball!
Rock playing second base. He did awesome and hit a home run!

Mack watching his parents play! He loves the baseball fields.

My sisters my best friends. This is probably are last trip together for a while. Cally is off to Indiana to serve a mission. I am so excited for her.

Our Team! The HE'S and The SHE'S

My nephew Jex he doesn't really wear glasses but what a handsome boy!

Thanks to Mary and Brent (Rock and I's best friends) for letting us stay with them. I love these two and we have a special friendship. Not to mention these two helped Rock and I hook up!

After all our games played we still had a game with the kids. Lync my brother in law helping Mack play. The kids wanted to have a game!

December is Here!

2010-12-08T13:21:00.003-07:00

How is it December already? It is only the 8th and already we have had lots of fun for our Christmas celebration.
By the end of this month this is what we all will be ready for a big NAP, too tired to finish our milk.

Hopefully with all these parties, shopping, lights, decorations, presents, etc. we can still keep the true meaning of Christmas in our hearts. I am trying to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas. Christ is the Reason for the Season!

What better way to capture that meaning and spirit then a trip to Temple Square.

Only we had to deal with Gunnar screaming and throwing a fit the whole time.

But I still felt the spirit the minute we walked on to Temple Square if only for a few minutes I will try and remember that spirit and share it with my family.

Explanation of last post

2010-12-01T09:48:00.004-07:00

I guess I should explain myself for my last post of my ranting and raving about motherhood. These past few months have been some of the hardest of my mothering experience. Why..well here is a few example why. I share these because please if any of you have any advice I will accepted it fully.
1-We start our bed routine with Mack at 7 pm and by the time he is finally asleep it is almost midnight. I have tried everything to get that kid to stay in bed and go to sleep.
2-Gunnar goes to sleep great at 7 pm with no problems but around 2 am he is up crying and screaming for 2 hours and nothing I do will sooth him back to sleep. He may be getting teeth so I check and give him Tylenol, but a humidifier to help with his nose, etc. and nothing works.
3- They are both up at 5:30 am bacause that is when Rock gets up and they have to be up too.
Lack of sleep does not help in the patient department during the day.
4-I am tired of fighting and arguing with Mack. I am tired of asking him daily not to do things and yet he still does them. As I ask him nicely to get off the counter for the 10th time of the day and yet he just looks at me and doesn't obey, that gets wearing on me. throwing a fit if he doesn't get his way and in timeout daily screaming for his dad.
5-Gunnar and his high pitch screams daily. Of course when Mack takes his toys he is playing with or pushes him down daily. The screaming is getting on my last nerve.
6-Taking them to the rec center to run the track to try and get some kind of energy out only to have Mack throw a major fit because he doesn't want to leave, trying to get family pictures and Mack crying, not cooperating, and wanting his dad to hold him the entire time. Or taking the boys to see the Temple Square lights with both kids screaming and crying the entire time. I really would stay home and not bother trying to give my kids adventures away from home and something other than the tv to entertain but I need to get out of the house.
I guess I just care to much about teach my kids to be good responsible adults. I love them and I only do it to teach them and yet is wearing me out. Well that is my venting for this month hopefully things will get better. It off to St. George for a little family softball tournament and I can't wait. Something I need right now.

Learning to accept....

2010-11-30T13:27:00.004-07:00

I am learning to accept certain things in my life that has not been easy for me to surrender acceptance to. I am still learning but we are getting closer and closer to surrending daily.
I know now why one of the reason's Heavenly Father wants me to be married. To overcome my selfishness. It is hard for me to accept the fact that my life is centered around two boys and a husband. My husband has whole heartly accepted this and loves it. Me on the other hand is still adjusting even after 3 years of motherhood. I like to come and go as I please. Now to go anywhere it is a production of snacks, bottles, sippy cup, car seats, coats, hats, and toys to entertain with. And that is just a trip to the grocery store. All you mothers know the joys of shopping with two toddlers in toe.
Church, why go when you are just entertaining two boys and trying not to make a scene as Mack is on the floor crying and yells don't take me to the car while Gunnar is screaming because Mack took a toy away from him. Yes I know to teach them church is important. Right now I hope my testimony is growing through just making the effort to go to church. FHE last 10 minutes tops since a 3 year old has not attention span at all, scripture study is from a childrens version, and prayers and spend trying to get the 3 year old to old still and not climb on our backs.
As a prior post indicated I am a sweats, t-shirt, no make-up, hair in a pony mother these days. I miss my sleep, sleeping 8 hours peacefully with no interruptions. Again me being selfish. I like going to work and being busy with things that feel my days, but these days I am trying to just get through the ground hog days of the same thing over and over again. I am trying to accept the fact that the Lord wants me home more than at work, and that the kids I have are to teach me patients and other things. Believe me when you have a day full of whinning and unwilling to listen to you from a 3 year old, screaming loudly from a 1 year old, through a fit and arguing with you about everything and anything, mopping the floor for the 5th time today, diarreha from both boys for the third day, and still not having Christmas decorations up after trying for 5 days now, I just want to escape to be by myself for a few hours. But for now this is my escape. My 1/2 hour typing on the computer while my kids are napping.
These are my boys and though I get so frustrated with them sometimes just know when they are throwing a fit and being well unruly...just know I am trying the best I can to teach them. But when timeouts, spankings, taking toys away, threatening, being nice and patient, speaking firmly and yet kindly, hugging them and telling them I love them, rewarding for good behavior, gritting my teeth as not to totally lose it, or just plan screaming at the top of my lungs to hopefully get my point across, and they still don't get it, really I am trying. I love them and someday this will all be worth it.
I love them to death and really I am thankful to have a family of my own and if I would just fully surrender this motherhood thing would be, not easier but rewarding in my eyes. For now our family is of 4 and that is how it will stay for a while now until I can regain composure and learn to surrender.
Props to all you moms who can and love this calling, I am still learning!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-30T13:08:00.005-07:00

We stayed in Utah this year for Thanksgiving and went to my Grandma house. It was nice to stay close to home and not worry about packing the boys and driving for hours. It was stress free and good food. I love Thanksgiving. Although it came and went very fast.
I ran the Orem Earn your Turkey 4 mile run on Thanksgivning morning with my sisters in 9 degree weather. Later that day I ate 4 slices of pie for every mile I ran. Well worth it.

My dad and I playing the Wii. Trying to play the bike racing...we are not a video game family. It was hillarious to watch us try and control our bikes.

Gunnar and his buddy Hunter

Mack

My Grandma and I after the fabulous Thanksgiving meal looking through the Black Friday ads.

I'm Back!!

2010-11-07T14:58:00.022-07:00

Since my last blog in September there has been alot of this...

These two go at it daily. My living room floor for the next 18 + years will be a wrestling mat.

Well it's been a couple of months since I have had a computer so I haven't been blogging about my life which in turn is my journal. Now that I have a computer (a miracle) I want to get caught up as much as I can the happenings of our little family these past months.

October was a very busy. We spent a weekend camping up Nebo loop with family. The leaves up there are so beautiful. The last time we camped up there was five years ago. A lot in life has changed for us in five years. Last trip I was single, now married with two boys.

Mack sitting on a huge tree stump carved into a chair.

Cousins playing in the leaves

My Grandma Carter with my two boys

My Grandma and I

My sisters kids Dykell and Jex with Mack

My two handsome boys ready for church. Good thing they are so sweet and innocent before church...after church is a whole other story!

This little guys turned "1". Happy Birthday to my sweet Gunnar. I can't believe how this year has flown by. My doctor pretty much told me in a nice way that he is a shrimp...low percentile in everything but that doesn't stop him at all. He is giant in heart. Small in stature but a go getter! He wants to do whatever Mack does. From the time he gets up until nap time he goes goes goes. Started walking at 11 months and is now running wherever he goes.

Sitting around a fire in my grandma's back yard opening presents on one of his favorite cousins lap.

Mack loves fire trucks, ambulances, and police cars, so I took him to the fire safety fair. Here he is holding a fire hose spraying water with my good friend Amber helping. My camera ran out of batteries so this is the only picture I got.

Since the weather has been so nice this late into fall we have done a lot of hiking Mack and I

Halloween Fun....
First at my work we had a huge Halloween Extravaganza so the week before Halloween I was at work working long hours to get ready for this big event. My poor kids had to miss out on lots of fun activities during the week. But we made up for it on Saturday and Sunday.
Saturday (no pictures forgot camera) we went to corn belly's at thanksgiving point with Rock's family and then afterwards had a party with pizza and games.
Sunday we headed to my mom and dad's huge barn for a Halloween party. Good food, a spook alley, and games. Here we are eating donuts off a string.

Everyone in there costumes.

Gunnar was a chicken

Mack a skelton.

Last but not least this amazing guy and I celebrated our anniversary in October. Love him lots!

Labor Day fun!

2010-09-07T14:05:00.006-06:00

Our last trip for the summer and I think for the year was to Robertson Wyoming to a family cabin. It is one of my favorite weekends of the year. We had close to 50 family and friends to spend the weekend with. Our days were filled with softball games, shooting clay pigeons, eating, playing cards, eating some more, yard sales, mountain man randevou, etc.
Me, my aunts and Lyndee. The only women who shot and hit the clay pigeons

Here I am shooting the gun.

Mack playing with the slot machine in the cabin.

Gunnar with my cousin Hunter. My boys love Hunter!

Can't wait for next year!

Summer Part 2..picture overload!!!

2010-08-13T09:28:00.017-06:00

Although this summer has been full of trials for our family it has also been a very memorable one with lots of fun. I am not looking forward to summer being over. I don't have kids going to school but it just feels like summer is coming to a close when all the other kids go back. I really don't want summer to end. I love fall. It's my favorite time of year but time is just moving too fast. I am going to miss my morning walks with my two boys and my bike rides at night. Summer please don't end...please.

Gillman Family Reunion in Logan, Utah. We went to Bear Lake to the Pickleville Playhouse to a Melodrama which was hillarious and then the next day went to the Logan Temple. Here is the Gillman Family in front of the fountain and Logan Temple.

Rock and I in front of temple.

Mack playing baseball at aunt Connie's house. Visiting Logan brought back many memories of my college days at Utah State!

Mack and Gunnar's first visit to Hoogle Zoo. Mack and I with the giraffes.

We went to the zoo with our good friends Preston and Amber. Preston and Mack in front of the gorilla.

This summer with all our adventures have wore Mack right out. Actually to be honest we have been more busy then I ever imagined we would be. I was a little nervous on how I was going to entertain my kids. Had no problems.

Another Gillman Reunion which I was in charge of. This was just with my sisters and parents. We attended a t-ball game, ate breakfast at Kneaders, Coach Pitch game, Swimming at the Legacy Center, Pizza and a baseball game at Grandma Gillman's.
Gunnar and Grandma swinging.

Mack batting

Gunnar in the pool

Mack in the pool

Everyone trying to stay cool at the coach pitch game.

Gunnar holding McCoy's hand telling him it is okay.

Mack helping Grandpa mow the lawn.

Dykell, Jex, and Mack at Kneader's enjoying the french toast.

Mack wanting so bad to go play t-ball with Jex. Don't do it Mack

Met my mission companion Sweaty (Brittney) at Deer Creek. Mack and Gunnar

Brittany lives in Texas and was visiting with her cute kids!

For Grandma day we took a hike on "G" mountain. Honestly it was really hot but Mack did awesome for hiking.

Mack and I notice our G shirts!

Mack and Gunnar playing in there toy tub.

Mack loves to watch the Food Network Channel with me. Here he is watching cooking while trying to cook also.

Went to my mom to swim. Our swimming pool for Gunnar is a feeding troft for our horses. Don't worry we cleaned it out. Gunnar loved it!

Of course Mack and his friend Wesley had to get in it too.

Mack's first birthday party with his buddy Preston. Look at these cute Mater cup cakes.

Night bike rides with mom wears Mack right out.

Fourth of the July weekend we headed up to Island Park, ID to visit Rock's family. Gunnar and Brayden getting fed by Nana.

NanaFamily in front of Mesa Falls

Took a day trip to Spring City to visit Gary and Grandma Backus
pretending to drive the tractor.

I think our favorite thing to do during summer is to go swimming with our cousins.

Feeling...Well not so pretty!

2010-07-26T09:34:00.003-06:00

These days I don't feel all that girly. I use to have to dress up everyday to go to work wearing a dress and make-up. These days I wear a dress and make-up to church. It is my one time to get dressed up and feel girly. Why don't I dress up and feel girly you ask...I will tell you why.
I don't put on nice clothes during the day because by the end of the day I am covered in baby food that Gunnar thinks is funny to spit out when I feed him or dirt from Mack giving me a huge hug after he has played in the dirt all day. Stains from changing diapers, or spit up from Gunnar. So I dress in t-shirts and shorts that I don't care if they get dirty.
Make-up...I don't put it on because as I try to put it on Mack is there playing with it and it ends up on the floor, the walls, on my shirt, or on his face. Instead of taking 5 minutes to put on it takes 1/2 hour and another 1/2 hour to clean up the mess.
My shoes...I wear socks and gym shoes daily. Hence my farmer tan that all can see at church. I don't wear flip flops or cute sandles for two reasons. One, I can't run fast in these shoes to catch Mack when he starts to run away from me. Second, because my toes get stepped on lots during the day from Mack when he wants to wrestle with me or wants to hold me. Gunnar also wants to suck my toes...gross.
Jewelery, forget it. It ends up in Gunnars mouth or broken.
My hair...that is all together another story. I mostly wear a pony tail. Takes to long to try and curl it, keeps Gunnar from pulling my hair, and keeps me cool since it is summer.
There you go. So for the next few years, until my kiddos are grown and in school and I am forced to work again and forced to get all girly up..this is what I look like. A mother with two small kids.

My Heart is Breaking...

2010-07-22T09:17:00.005-06:00

Brittany (my sister-in-law) husband Leonard was killed in a car accident early Friday morning in Island Park, Idaho. My heart is breaking for Britt and her two sons Korben (5 yrs) and Braden (1 yr).
Here they are on their wedding day!

Friday morning at 5 am Rock woke me up with a look on his face that told me something was not good. He started to cry and when he told me what happened I did not expect it to be a family member killed in a car accident.
Wednesday morning as we got back to Utah and I was starting to unpack Rock called me from work to tell me that he was going to be working out of town next week. I don't like when he works out of town. After I hung up the phone I started to bawl. I realized that Rock will only be gone for 5 days...Leanord is never coming home. Britt will never see him in this life again.
It is time like these I am so thankful for my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We will see Leonard again and families are forever.
Rock is having a really hard time with this for several reasons. We took a family trip over the 4th of July to Island Park. As we were leaving Rock had a feeling to go and say goodbye to Leonard, but he didn't. Leanord has also asked Rock to take him fly fishing and Rock hasn't been able to. "Too busy going now where not being with those that matter." When Rock said this I realized I need to be better at my relationships with others. Let the stupid stuff go. Stuff doesn't matter, people do!
I have learned three lessons from these past few days that I hope to help me be a better person.
(1) Sorrow will come to all in some shape of form which at the time stinks, but something better will always follow if we endure the sorrow well.
(2) No matter what you do or try to do someone will always be upset or not satisfied with what you have tried to do or be. Focus more on the person's position they are facing, their effort, feelings and be a support not a negative force in their life. Stop focusing on you and your feelings and start with others.
(3) The people that matter the most in life will stay a part of your life no matter what happens. We have family and friends in this life for a purpose to help us through times of sorrow.
Britt I am so sorry for your loss. Death is not bad, it is part of the plan, but the loss of a loved one is. This sucks but good will come just hang on!

Summer Fun Part 1

2010-06-23T09:31:00.012-06:00

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF OUR SUMMER FUN SO FAR.

MACK AND PRESTON HIS FRIEND WATCHING THE OREM SOMERFEST PARADE

MACK READY TO GO BIKE RIDING WITH MOM IN HIS NEW BIKE TRAILER

GUNNAR IN HIS HIGH CHAIR READY TO EAT!

BOYS IN THE SAME OUTFITS

GUNNAR IN THE TUB. HE LOVES THE WATER!

STRAWBERRY DAY PARADE!

GUNNAR JUST CHILLIN IN HIS STROLLER WITH HIS BOTTLE

MACK DANCING WHEN THE SCHOOL BANDS WOULD GO BY

SHELBIE AND GUNNAR

MACK LOVES THE FIRE TRUCKS

DYKELL, JEX, AND MACK WAITING FOR THE PARADE TO START

FATHER'S DAY FUN!

ROCK CRANKING THE OLD FASHION HOMEMADE ICE CREAM.

MACK JUMPING ON THE TRAMPOLINE WITH HIS COUSINS

SHAR MY AUNT AND GUNNAR

FAMILY VOLLEY BALL GAME.

GUNNAR ALREADY WRESTLING WITH MACK...BOY AM I IN TROUBLE. THESE TWO ARE GOING TO BE GOING AT IT SOON ALL THE TIME.

Random Thoughts....

2010-05-28T14:37:00.003-06:00

As I was riding my bike this morning on this beautiful morning I had many thoughts running through my head.
1) I love my family and friends that help me surviving being a mom and wife. The other day I was at a resturant with my family celebrating my cousins graduations. As I was trying to keep my two year old from tearing the place apart and my 7 month old from pulling all the food off the table my sweet aunt told me I was doing a great job and that I needed to give my self more credit and that God gave me these boys for a reason. That made my night. At that moment I didn't need to hear all the things I was doing wrong and what I should try and do better. I need someone to validate my mothering because believe me it is harder than I thought.
2) Even though I am not in school I love the feeling of the last day of school and the anticipation for summer. I love Memorial Day weekend as the first weekend of the summer. I love being with family visiting cemetaries with all the pretty flowers and having a BBQ. As a kid growing up Memorial Day was spent at Cottonwood Complex in SLC watching my dad play fastpitch softball. Loved it and still love watching a good game of softball.

Stress, Stress, and more Stress

2010-05-27T20:17:00.003-06:00

I have stress and lots of it. Apparently this stress is not good for your body and in my cause this is evident for two reasons. One, when I get stressed I eat lots and lots of unhealthy food. This makes me feel sick to my stomach from all the bad food, ornery, and I have no energy. I don't feel like exercising either. Second, it causes me to have back muscle spasms. I guess when you have lots of bad stress it weakens muscles and if you twique your back muscles just right you get a lower back ache which is not fun especially with two kids who need you 24/7.
Why is it that when you don't feel your best and would love to just lay down to rest your kids seem to be at their worst behavior.
Factors leading to my stress=kids room getting remodeled so all their furniture and their beds in my room. Kids not going to bed until 10:30pm and waking up at 5:30 am, Rock working nights and every night he goes in at a different time. One night it's 8pm, another night 4pm, another 5:30 pm. Getting woke up almost every hour between Gunnar and Mack and Rock calling to check up and calling to tell me he is home unlock the door. Tree branches falling down and having no way to haul them off since we have no truck, finances, and my job. I hope my back starts feeling better so I can start exercising again like i use to ( going to need to do lots of exercising after this week the way I have been eating) this might help reduce my stress.

write it down...lest we forget!

2010-05-15T18:38:00.003-06:00

I had one of those weekends that I don't want to forget. One that makes up for me hitting a brick wall. I guess having weekends like this makes having days where you hit a brick wall seem all worth it.
Rock had to work on my birthday and mother's day which I was feeling really bummed about. He finally had a day off on Thursday the 6th of May so we decided to celebrate my birthday and mother's day that day. Rock let me sleep him, took me to breakfast to my favorite, Kneaders french toast, and then he bought me a long awaited bike! I was so excited I rode it home from the bike shop.
Friday was my birthday and my mom called to say that she will take the boys and have them sleep over! Yes another awesome present. So Rock got off early and took me to dinner ( a dinner with no interruptions, or scream kids).
Saturday went to a bridal shower, got a pedicure with my mom and sisters, and out to dinner. So nice...reality struck when I picked up my kids which I missed but apparently they didn't miss me. They scream in the car the whole way home. I think they had just as fun of weekend as I did.
Sunday, Mother's Day got a card from Rock. I have to say Rock has a way with words. Lyndee my sis came and help me at church since Rock was working. Then after church off to my mom's to have yummy chicken enchilada's, and to my grandmothers for yummy dessert. Strawberry shortcake and cookie dough ice cream my favorite!

Now we are back to stress and surviving day to day! Hope to have another one of these weekend soon!

Have you ever felt like you have hit....

2010-05-05T13:47:00.004-06:00

A BRICK WALL!

WELL TODAY I HAVE HIT ONE.

WHY YOU ASK? WELL LET ME EXPLAIN.

I think hitting this brick wall was the cause of much stress in my life. Too much to be exact and I am afraid this will be what my life will be life the rest of the summer so I better learn how to deal with this stress in a health way or I will be in a therapists office having a nervous break down.
1-my husbands work schedule changes daily. Don't get me wrong I am so grateful he has a job but his schedule is dependent on other construction companies and what they get done or don't get done. Let me give you an example. Sunday morning Rock told me this would be his schedule: Mon and Tues. days Wed off, Thursday-Sunday nights from 8pm to 5am. Monday morning same schedule so I got babysitters set up for Thursday and Saturday sweet....Monday night...Mon, Tues, Wed days from 7 am to 7pm Thursday off, Friday, Sat, Sunday, Mon, Tues, Wed days 7 am to 7pm. What now I have to call the babysitter I cancelled on Wed to see if she could now, have to find a babysitter for Saturday longer than planned, etc.
2-having my husband work many hours with not a lot of time off can be wearing on me and the kids. Just the thought of starting to potty train Mack makes my blood pressure rise!
3-my job is not helping either. Monday I get a call telling me I was suppose to work that night when I have never worked Monday nights and was not on the schedule and had no idea I was suppose to be there. They wanted me to find a babysitter and come in..I DON'T THINK SO. Then today they call and tell me instead of coming in at 5:30 could I come at 4:30...arranged it with my babysitter then an hour later called and ask if I could come in at 3:30 what?? Thank you to my wonderful cousin for being so flexible.

Thanks to all who have been so flexible and helping me! I hope to not have many days like this when I hit another

Ellison Happening the past week.

2010-04-23T09:46:00.007-06:00

Rock's grandparents celebrated there 60th wedding anniversary so we headed to St.George to meet family, swim, eat, and just enjoy the sun and each others company!

Gunnar trying to fly away.

The family...Ellison Family

Kids with aunt Starr (Rock's sister that we don't see much)

Mack swimming with Dad.

Mack loves fire trucks and whenever we see one parked at the city center we have to drive by it and look at it. Went with some mom's and kids to visit the fire station. Mack loved it and did not want to leave. Everyday now he asks to go see his firetruck.

A day at Hee Haw farms with our good friends Preston and his mom Amber. We love them and are so grateful for there friendship! Preston is about Mack's age and I love talking and hanging out with Amber. It is so nice to have friends!

First we visited the animal pen where Mack got to hold baby goats and bunnies and chase pigs and chickens. He tried to feed all the animals hay like he does when he helps Papa feed the cows and horses at Papa's house.

Next it was on to the big slide where Mack had no fear just climbed the hill and went down by himself. He could have played on this all day long.

Had to pry Mack off the slide to go and get a pony ride.

Next it was on to the tractor train ride were again Mack stayed on for about 45 minutes. He loved it and would not get out.

Lastly we played in the sand box and had a hay ride. I couldn't go with Mack because Gunnar was asleep but he enjoyed the hay ride. What a fun morning!

4 of 4 posts

2010-04-23T09:38:00.004-06:00

Kids hanging out naked before bath time!

Mack

My happy baby Gunnar

Mack helping dad mow the lawn or in other words getting a ride while dad mows!

ENLIGHTENMENT

2010-04-12T13:41:00.004-06:00

This past weekend our little family went to St. George to celebrate Rock's grandparents 60th wedding anniversary (pictures to come). It was so nice to meet some of Rock's family I have never met before. Rock's dad is from South Carolina so there are definitely some Southern values I learned this past weekend.
My enlightenment came during sacrament meeting in St. George. Both my kids were asleep so I could actually hear the speaker and their messages. The first speaker talked about receiving revelations. At that moment I think I had a revelation or my enlightenment moment.
I have said this before but the Lord keeps pounding me on the head with it. Stop comparing my self to others and stop judging others. I realized this weekend that nobody is like my family. I love my family and the things we do together. We always help each other out and try and get together often because we have fun together. Not all families are like this. I was not raised like other children were and it is not my place to tell others how they should raise their children. Just because I was raised one way doesn't mean that is the right way. It is none of my business how you raise your kids. I will do it my way and you can do it yours. All I can do is just let my kids be around family because family is important and then try and teach them at home that what they do at their house is not what we do at ours. I can't keep my kids away from family because of the choice they make and I can't get frustrated just because I would not do it that way.
Heavenly Father governs his children individually. What works for me in getting his message across doesn't work for someone else. That is what I need to remember with my kids. Mack is a different individual than Gunnar and probably will have to be disciplined differently.
Bottom line I am doing to best I can with my kids and so is everyone else for the most part. Just be patient and love your family!

Easter/Conference Thoughts

2010-04-08T16:54:00.007-06:00

I had lots of thoughts during Conference Weekend. I am nervous for the future of our nation and for the world my boys are growing up in. I had the impression to switch my thoughts from fear to faith...easier said than done. I want so much to somehow be involved and be an active voice in changing this world. But after much prayer my role now is to just be home with my kids and teach them to have a testimony of Jesus Christ. This is also hard for me. I have some many things I want to accomplish but my important work is being a mom and wife.

I love these boys so much. I thought most of the conference messages focused on families. I am so grateful for the family I have. I am grateful for my extended family especially my sisters and mom. I love having a sister who is going through baby raising years and can call for advice. I love having grandparents who are willing to help us out and have family wii nights, and aunts who are just awesome with cousins who love my kids! FAMILY IS IMPORTANT and I am lucky to have a great family.

Easter morning we colored eggs. Saturday was too cold to go on a Egg hunt.

My two year old is so funny sometimes. I just laugh at the things he says sometimes. I have learned I need to watch what I say. The other Sunday we were all in the car going to church and Rock was inside. I said come on Rock lets go. A few days later in the car again waiting for Rock and when he got in the car Mack says come on Rock lets go.
Some days Mack kicks my butt in the parenting and patients department. Everyday I tell him no to the same things...don't play in the toilet, don't pull your brothers arm, don't climb in the window, etc. It's everyday. It doesn't help that Rock works very long hours these days. From 6 am to 7:30 pm. I think the worst part of the day is mornings and nights. Mack is demanding breakfast, Gunnar is hungry, trying to get them dressed, fed, house somewhat cleaned, etc is hard by myself and nights when I am trying to cook dinner, feed Mack who is whinning about wanting food NOW, Gunnar who is screaming, get them fed and bathed all by myself is hard...really hard. Hats off to single mom's. THe same routine daily for me is hard also. I like my days to be random and changing.

Easter afternoon after conference we went to my mom's and had dinner with my uncle and his family and then an easter egg hunt in the yard.

My uncle hid a big huge chocolate bunny in the tree and all the guys going for it.

Catch up....

2010-03-30T13:33:00.012-06:00

Lots has happened this past month. It has been crazy at the Ellison home..kind of like the weather we have been having lately....sunny warm spring like to windy cold, rainy and snowy.
Rock's work schedule changes pretty much weekly. One week he is working Monday -Thursday 6am-7pm to working Monday - Friday 7am-4pm to maybe going nights from 8pm to 5:30 am or in a couple of weeks he may be in St. George for three months. I am very grateful he has a job and that he is a hard worker but this schedule sometimes stresses me out. Especially when I am working and I have to change my schedule with my boss and try to find babysitter for the kids. When I set out to work I picked the schedule I did so I wouldn't have to have babysitters, but that of course didn't last long. Rock loves watching the Utah Jazz. Here we are at a Jazz game thanks to my sisters for giving us tickets!!

Early Easter party at my Great Grandma's house. We are racing wheel barrow style.

Family Photo at the Easter Party! How I love these women.

My mom had a St. Patrick Day party. This is my sister with the 4 nephews and one niece.

My little Gunnar. He is almost 6 months old. I can't believe how the time has flown by. He is getting teeth but still is a happy boy. He loves to roll over from his back to his belly.

Took a trip to St. George with the fam to watch softball and visit with family and friends. This is Mack playing baseball with the cousins at the condo.

Gunnar in his winter hat!

This is what happens when you have a weekend or weekday full of fun!

Continued.....

2010-03-11T10:55:00.003-07:00

As my previous blog and will now continue with the story. I believe I went on a mission for many reason that I won't get into now but one reason was to understand the atonement more for when I met my husband.
Let me know recount how we met. It is a small world and the Lord really knows what he is doing. My best friend and her first husband were in a car accident a few months after I returned home from the mission. He was killed and she was badly injured. The next year and a half we spent a lot of time together going to institute, dinner, going to the temple, going on a cruise, etc. She really strengthened my testimony of how the atonement can help us with sorrows we face in this life. Spring of 2005 she joins LDSsingles.com at the request of her sister. She starts writing Brent who at the time lived in Virginia going to school. The wrote back and forth and he came to Utah to meet her and her family and friends. I was going to meet him when unknown to me he already knew my family. Brent and my sister Katye went to school in Colorado together and were really good friends. He played baseball and she played softball. He knew my family really well.
Fast forward to Fall 2005...Brent and Mary are now engaged. November 2005 Mary calls and says she is at Fudruckers in Orem to come and meet her and Brent there. I lived in Provo at the time. I show up to see Brent and Mary and Brent's friend Rock and his girlfriend at the time. Yes I felt like a huge third wheel. I left the restaurant knowing I would see Rock again. I didn't know how he had a girlfriend and I was not about to get involved with someone who was already with someone else...that is just drama for me. Already delt with plenty of drama in high school and college. But I couldn't get Rock out of my head. He was not my type. Having long blonde hair, serving a mission as a service missionary at the church storehouse, yet dating. I couldn't figure him out.
Now we hit December....Brent calls and says Rock wants to go on a double date with me and Brent and Mary. I guess Rock and the other girl didn't work out. First date we went ice skating and Rock told me all about his past. I will not disclose it but I was taken back a little by what he was telling me. Let just say it was a miracle he was ice skating. He was in a coma due some bad decision that left him having many strokes and he having to learn to walk, talk, read, write, etc. Basically learn to live all over again.
After the first date I knew he was a good man for being totally honest with me. After the date ended he walked me to the door saying good bye. I thought I would never see him again since he didn't get my phone number. Well he got it from Mary and called the next day. I was leaving to go out of town for the new year and told him I would call him after I got back. The whole trip I thought about him. I called when I got home and we went on our second date. He was such a gentlemen and treated me so well.
April 2006...still dating Rock when he was going to go work for his brother selling satellite dishes from May to September. First he was going to Denver, then Iowa, then a week before he was to leave he ended up going to Kansas City, Missouri where I served a mission. he lived 10 minutes from Liberty Jail. Sister Sweat one of my companions and I were planning on going back to Missouri to see Pam (a lady that got baptized while we were serving) son Tanner get baptized. I couldn't believe it.
Rock and I talked on the phone and talked about marriage. I thought he would come home, we would date for a couple more month, get engaged and get married in spring of 2007. I felt at peace at the thought of marrying this man despite his past and knew he had applied the atonement in his life.
June 2006 visited Missouri and Rock bought a ring in Missouri proposing at Adam-ondi-ahman. We got married in October of 2006. About a year after meeting.

Mission Memories...

2010-03-03T13:35:00.003-07:00

Last night a attended a young women in our ward baptism. It brought back memories of my days as a missionary in Missouri. As the baptism was taking place I was looking back on the 18 months I spent as a missionary and why the Lord gently persuaded me to serve. You see I didn't want to serve a mission. I was 22/23 trying to get into grad school living in Jackson Hole loving my life and have fun! But things just didn't feel right. Didn't get accepted into grad school, turn down a great job because it didn't felt right to take it, didn't feel right about going back to school to get a second bachelor's degree, nothing was clicking. While in Jackson Hole someone said why don't you go on a mission. What? No I don't think so. But after he said it, it felt right. I prayed and felt at peace, but I still was hesitant. If I go home to Utah and the bishop says anything about my age, dating, school, etc. I am not going. Did he no. Okay if there is something seriously wrong with my teeth or health not going..anything wrong nope. I heard stories of those who decide to go on missions having all sorts of obstacles from keeping them from going. Me, no sort of obstacles.
Okay I will go as long as it is out of the states and not a visitor center. Guess what I got called to Independence Missouri...Liberty Jail Visitor Center. What...I struggled with my calling for a while. I heard that visitor center sisters weren't real missionaries. But I came to accepted my calling and if any one had a problem with it not thinking I was a real missionary they could take it up with the Lord, prophet, etc. I didn't call my self the Liberty Jail. I wanted to be a missionary and that is where the Lord needed to send me.
I was blessed with great mission companions, senior couples, and great spiritual experiences and learned a lot. The Lord knew me. Some of my favorite scriptures growing up came from D & C sections 121, 122, 123. Sections the prophet Joseph Smith received while in Liberty Jail. I was interest in Church history and learned a lot about the Missouri history of our church! What a blessing. I think the biggest reason I served was to come to understand a little better the atonement. I will never fully understand it but I have seen it change people's lives. This was what I needed for my future...my future husband.....to be continued in next blog post....babies crying.

Reflections...

2010-02-07T10:40:00.003-07:00

Mack and his cousins on the Ellison's side!

My handsome boy ready for church.

Dad and Mack building a snowman.

Since my blog is my journal of sorts I have been writing a lot about thoughts I have been having about this season in my life called motherhood. My mom gave me this awesome book about the unlikely truths of motherhood and I love it. It has helped me tremendously. Last night I read about trusting in the Lord that he will help you raise children that he has trusted you to have. Instead of asking the Lord for help I just complain to him about my frustrations.
Last night I realized how much the Lord has blessed me. Blessed me not by the world's standards but by his standards and in ways that I and my family need at this time in our lives and if I had just a little more faith and trust in him I would recognize it more.
By the world's standard according to my age (which I am not going to give away) I should be in a home that I own. I am not and probably will not be until my kids are grown and I can work more than 10 hours a week. But the Lord has blessed me with a roof over my head, living in a family house that we pay little rent where I can be a stay at home mother. The world looks down on paying rent but I see it as a blessing of not owing a huge mortgage payment at this time in our lives when we can't afford it.
The world would have me believe I am of little worth being a stay at home mom, but the Lord rejoices in my work as a mom. This is something I struggle with daily. I worked, went to college and lived selfishly for 10 years on my own and now me is the last thing I think about in a day. When all is said and done...my kids, husband, family and gospel are going to be the best things I ever had in life...not cars, homes, jewelery, clothes, etc.
I trust and have faith in the Lord that if I keep paying my tithing I will someday own a home, have enough money to not worry about paying the bills each month and how we are going to make it and pay for groceries. But somehow each month we have enough and food on the table and diapers on our kids. Not much for savings but enough to live above most in the world. I am so grateful for that.

Gunnar exhausted and there is nothing better than sleeping on dads chest!

Therapy...

2010-01-30T10:07:00.002-07:00

Writing things down for me gives me therapy and as I am writing I seem to have solutions come to my head. I start to feel better about things. Thank you to all who commented on my last venting writing session. I just had to vent to let out some of my frustrations. It was not intended to offend anyone. I appreciate all the support from great friends! The great thing about life is that one day can be frustrating and next a better day. Somehow kids make things that we think about and worry about so trivial and a waste of time. I am going to try and see the world as my two year old does. But off the natural man and become more like a little child, full of love, patience, long suffering, etc. (Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi, I think)
Yesterday Mack taught me a great lesson. No matter how mad I got at him, he didn't stay mad at me for long. He came up and gave me a big hug and said love you.

Random Thoughts and more pictures of my kids!

2010-01-25T14:57:00.003-07:00

Lately as I have laid down to go to sleep I have had many thoughts run through my head. So whoever reads this blog and would like to comment and give suggestions on these thoughts please do, then maybe I wouldn't be so obsessed with worrying about these things at night and think about more important things.

1. Why do I worry so much what others think about me and what I say? Why can't I just be my self and say and act the way that comes naturally to me. Say what comes to my head to people. It may come to my head because maybe that person needs to hear what I have to say. I guess it is because lately I have come into contact with people who get offended really easily. So I will say what is coming to my head right now to these people...GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITH LIFE. I am saying that to myself to. WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON...you are doing the best you can, you know it and God knows it that is all that matters.
2. I guess that just answers my second thought....breast milk. Mine is gone. No matter what I have done it is gone. One day I had some and the next I didn't. Happened to my mom. Some have judged me and think I am crazy that I don't have milk and that I just don't want to breast milk and that if I worked harder at it I would still have some. Well after money spent on herbals, pumping after every feeding even when I have no milk, drinking lots of water, etc, etc. I have done all I can. I want what is best for my baby and I am so thankful for formula or my baby would starve! Okay so another thought came into my head...STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER WOMEN.
3. Why do we as women compare ourselves to others. I am starting to see that we waste a lot of time and energy comparing our looks, our skills, and our talents with others. I will never have a neatly styling home like some women....because I can't afford it and I don't have an eye for what looks good together in a room and I hate making crafts. But I can play a mean game of softball. So I can't breast feed my baby until they are 1. I hope my babies know that I still love them and I want what is best for them. I believe in taking care of our bodies by eating right and exercising but I will never be a size 4 or even a 6 and a size 8 is pushing it for me. But I am healthy, I do exercise and I eat healthy 80 % of the time. So just because I am not a size 2 does not mean I am unhealthy and lazy so stop judging and comparing me!
Advice to self on this comparing...STOP COMPARING MY KIDS. Mack was a great sleeper at 3 months, Gunnar not so much. Mack is very active...his cousin is not. Just enjoy my kids while I can because before I know it they won't be around much.
4. Why do I feel like a maid all the time. Why do I feel like my efforts of the day are not appreciated like I think it should be. Why do I put so much time and effort into cleaning when no one comes and visit me. Well I will tell you why because to keep my sanity I need a clean organized home. It helps me think clearly and I don't feel anxious. I probably do spend more time then I should so I am going to get my cleaning done first thing in the morning so I have more time playing. I want my kids to think of me as a fun mom not a mom with a broom always in her hand.
5. STOP NAGGING.....my husband is great but I have expectations for him that I need to re-think. Look more on the positives and less on the negatives. Talk about the important things that can change and let the little things go.

Gunnar with his new cousin McCoy!

Going Private

2010-01-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am going private so if you would like to view my blog please send me your e-mail addresses. Thanks

Mack and Gunnar

2010-01-18T13:20:00.003-07:00

My two little guys fill my days with lots of memories that I don't want to forget. Mack is at the stage of now putting sentences together and copying everything Rock and I say and do. The other day I told him not to touch the mirror and today he told me not to touch the mirror as I was cleaning it and that he would spank my butt and go to the time out chair. He sings "I Am A Child of God" and I am amazed by his memory.

I can't believe Gunnar is now 3 months old. I had to take a picture of him sleep because this doesn't happen often. He is a cat napper who only takes naps for 30 minutes at the most. He loves when anyone talks to him and that is when he is the most happiest. He smiles and smiles a coos at you. The problem is I can't talk to him always since I have a busy two year old.

Here Gunnar is wide away..Can't get my camera to take a quick picture of him smiling.

Gunnar and I are very excited that he will have a cousin about his age to play with. My sister Katye had a baby boy a couple of days ago and we are excited to have him here finally and that he is a boy for Gunnar to play with! I feel bad for Mack. He has no cousins on both sides of the family his age but he still has his buddy Hunter who is so patient and sweet with Mack. Mack also loves his cousins Jex and Dykell. Dykell is so great to play with him.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-05T11:09:00.002-07:00

Well a new year is upon us and I am excited for the year 2010. I just can't get over how fast time flies and that we are barking on a new year already. I feel like I am not taking advantage of each day I have and it is going by too fast. One of my goals this year is to not murmur so much about my life and be grateful for what I have. I realize I am the type of person who is always looking forward to the future and not living in the moment. My life right now is to be a mom to kids who need me all the time. That will not always be the case so I need to appreciate and love the fact that my kids want to be with me always. Someday I will be able to work again, sleep again, eat a meal without interruptions, etc. That day will come faster than I expect so live in the moment. Have faith that Heavenly Father will give me all I need when I need it and at the time I need it and he will make my life the best it can be.
Ringing in the New Year was so much fun. Spent the night with family playing the Wii. I was sore three days after boxing, bowling, dancing, tennis, and playing baseball. So much fun and Mack even stayed up until 12:30. I love being with family.
I hope all my family and friends have a wonderful New Year with lots of blessings and a realization of those blessings.

December Fun!!

2009-12-30T20:11:00.007-07:00

This is a long post about our events for December.

I love the Christmas season. I pretty much love the months of October, November and December, December being my favorite. I love Christmas music, love the lights on houses, love my home decorated in Christmas things, love being with family. We had lots of fun this month and I am sad to see it end.

First on our list was the Walker Party. This is my Great Grandmothers party and she is still alive at 92. We have the party at the Orem Institute at UVU. The party starts at 9am and we have breakfast. The highlight of the party was when the LDS Singers sang Silent Night for the Family. What a great way to start off the Christmas season with the focus on the Savior.
Five generations...My great Grandma Walker, my Grandma Carter, my mom, me and Gunnar!

Family Photo

Mack with Santa...well almost the real Santa

Next we celebrate the November December birthday's by going bowling, to dinner at JCW's and then to my aunt Shar's for cake and ice cream. Mack's birthday is on the 20th so he got a truck from the his buddy Hunter.

The Love;ess crew...my cousins

Mack opening birthday presents

Gunnar at 2 months. Has no idea what is going on this time of year but is so fun. He now coo's and smiles all the time. Love this age. Still little but so alert and recognizes his mama! Apparently he has a small head. His head is only in the 3%. He weighs almost 12 lbs.

Mack excited about his gingerbread house. For Grandma day this month the kids go make gingerbread houses and to see Santa. Mack couldn't go because he was sick with a fever of 105 so grandma had to make his house for him.

Next it was off to Mack's cousins in Springville to celebrate his cousins Kai birthday on the 18th. Had dinner and donuts with lots of fun!

Next day we headed to Temple Square to see the lights. Trax train was packed, Mack was not happy and not being very helpful in being happy, temple square was packed and the whole time Mack kept asking, "Want to see Jesus." Couldn't get close enough to see the statue in the North visitor center because of all the people and couldn't see the Nativity either. Too many people. I was so frustrated but as we left Mack said bye Jesus, bye Temple. I guess he does understand what we were there for so it was all worth the 10 seconds when he said those phrases.

Thanks aunt Lyndee for coming with us. Mack and Lyndee waiting for Trax train in the cold.

We celebrated Mack's birthday with his cousin Dykell at my mom's house eating pizza and opening presents.

Mack blowing out the candles on the awesome cake my sister Katye made.

Mack's friend Preston came to play for a few hours on the 21st

Opening his white elephant gift at our Carter annual Christmas Eve party. Mack got M&M's, I got old hand video games, and Rock got toilet paper and raisen's with a note saying hope your holidays and merry and regular. the best present given was a set of dentures. my cousin walker moved into my grandpa's brother's home and found the dentures in one of the bathroom's.

Christmas morning brought lots of presents and the realization that we are very blessed.
My boys Christmas morning

Every Christmas morning my mom has breakfast at her house and makes her awesome Christmas casserole. We usually open presents and then eat but this year my dad had to work so we had to wait until 6 pm to open presents.
Mack in his new big truck

Gunnar in his new hat

Lyndee, my mom and Cally

Mack and his buddy Hunter. Hunter is so great to play with Mack even though Hunter is 13 and Mack is 2. Mack loves his buddy!

Last party was the Gillman party in Spring City on the 27th.
Mack opening more presents

Gunnar hanging out with Papa...my dad.

I can't believe how much my dad looks like my Grandpa Gillman. He died in 1988 but my dad reminds me of him. Don't get to see this side of the family much but it is fun to get together with them and play games and eat good food.

Happy Birthday Mack!!

2009-12-20T13:52:00.004-07:00

I can't believe this was you one year ago and now....

Look how big you have gotten and how you have changed.

I love you son and I am so glad you chose me to be your mom! You are so full of life and are now in the stage of wanting to know what everything is and try and do things on your own without my help! Each day is a joy spending it with you. Happy Birthday Mack!

This week Mack has done some pretty funny things that I want to document. Mack loves the movie Polar Express and the other day he was singing in the kitchen "Hot Hot Hot Chocolate" while dancing like they do in the movie. I went to go to the restroom the other day and as I was lifting up the toilet seat I found my bath towel stuffed in the toilet. Tonight when Mack was opening his presents, my mom gave him some underwear. We told him that we wear them when we go on the potty....so he took the underwear and set them down next to the potty.

Frustrations...

2009-12-09T10:02:00.004-07:00

This post is all about getting my frustrations out. Mack is sick with another ear infection. Monday night he had a fever of 105 so now he is on antibiotics which seems to be helping. What I don't understand is how he got sick. We don't go anywhere. For the most part I keep me kids home. He hasn't been to nursery for weeks. So where is he getting sick at? Is it coming from my home? I have washed my sheets and disinfected my home several times? Is it from getting shots. He got both the flu shot and swine flu shot. Did that cause the virus? I want Mack to enjoy this Christmas season and I would like Rock and I to enjoy it too. Do I take him to parties or keep him home?
I think most of my frustrations come from not sleeping at night. Mack is up every couple of hours cause his ears and body hurts and Gunnar is up to get fed. I honestly don't know how to get him full. I breast feed and formula feed and he doesn't seem content ever. When Rock was a baby he never felt full either so his doctor had him on whole milk at a month old. Now I am not about to give Gunnar whole milk but I am feeding him every hour so it seems.
So my other frustration is the whole breast feeding thing. I want to give Gunnar the best milk I can and I feel like breast milk is it but I have invested so much into trying to produce enough milk. $50 for a lactation specialist to evaluate me, $200 for a pump, $50 for herbal supplements, and I am pumping after a feed to keep the milk flowing. I just don't know what more I can do. People look at me like I am an idiot and don't know what I am talking about not being able to produce enough milk. I got to stop stressing about it and relax. It is just so frustrating.
Okay the last thing I am frustrated about is my teeth and dentists. Growing up I had a great dentist who I trusted and made my crooked teeth look great. He retired and was replaced by a dentist I thought I could trust.....well I was wrong. This dentist has cost my family lots of money in unnecessary repairs and faulty repairs. He told me I had several small cavities. I decided to get a second opinion and found I didn't have any cavities. He put on a cap that didn't need to be there, the cap breaking and not I had to get the tooth pulled and a bridge in my mouth. What a pain. So while Mack is sick, I am in pain from my tooth.
I know this is part of life but this is my month to be frustrated!!

Gunnar's Blessing

2009-12-06T09:02:00.002-07:00

Me and Gunnar Nov. 29, 2009
We had his blessing the Sunday after Thanksgiving since we had Rock's family from Island Park in Utah. How grateful I am for the priesthood and the blessing it afords my family.

My sister Lyndee, niece Dykell and my aunt JaNean

My wonderful friends that i have known since my freshman year of college
Mary, Sariah, Me, and Rachel

Thanks to all our family and friends to support Gunnar on his special day!

Family Pictures

2009-12-06T08:57:00.003-07:00

Family Pictures 2009
It's been a while since we have had family pictures and since we have a new addition I thought it was time to take some. Mack was a little stinker not wanting his picture taken but the photographer was so patient and did well in getting some good shots.

Gunnar Kale

Mack McKinley

My two boys...I can't believe I live in a household full of boys. I grew up with all girls so this is going to be a new experience for me.

What been happening at our house...since we spent most of our time at home these days.

2009-11-20T12:09:00.002-07:00

Mack has had a fever and ear infections for the last week. Not fun at all. Between Gunnar's night time feeding and Mack waking up because he is uncomfortable Rock and I get about 3 hours of sleep at night. I think we are running on adrenaline at this point. Thanks Mom for all your help and spending the night.

Here is Mack trying to get my attention by getting into the baby's car seat. Poor Mack...he feels so neglected and I try very hard to give him quality time. I am trying to be patient with him. Everytime I sit to feed Gunnar he is off getting into trouble so I feel like I am yelling at him most of the time.

His new thing is to pull the chair to the sink and play in the water or climb on the counters and get into the dishes.

My two boys

Mack with his uncle Zack racking up leaves.

Here's Gunnar just chillin in his e walk outfit.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-20T12:00:00.002-07:00

Halloween day was great. What great weather we had. Mack had lunch with his cousins and then we went to a park and played tennis and soccer. Next it was off to the Grandma's.

My sisters Lyndee the choc. milk, Cally the clown, Jex the fireman, Dykell the Lady Bug and Mack the alligator. Mack wasn't to sure about the clown. He just kept looking at Cally and didn't know whether to cry or not.

Gunnar in his Halloween outfit. The Young Women leaders I serve with got Gunnar a hat and some pumpkin socks.

Mack carving his pumpkin with aunt Lyndee and Jex his cousin

Gunnar/Gunnar & Mack

2009-10-30T15:23:00.003-06:00

I have to blog about how Gunnar got his name. His middle name Kale is after my dad. The moment I knew he was going to be a boy I knew I needed to name him after my dad. My dad had all daughters and no one to pass his name on to. My dad and I have not always had a good relationship but over the past couple of years it has improved. A month before we had Gunnar we were at my parents house. Someone asked Mack what was in his mom's tommy. He said baby Kayson/Gunnar. We had not told anyone the names we were thinking about. It was between Kayson and Gunnar. Then Rock asked Mack what do you want you brothers name to be Kayson or Gunnar. He said loud and strong Gunnar, Gunnar, GUNNAR. We decided to see when Gunnar was born if he looked more like a Kayson or Gunnar and Gunnar won. So in a sense Mack named his new baby brother!

We made it two weeks! He is doing great and has gained weight so Breastfeeding is going better than I thought.

Mack has been struggling a little with getting use to someone taking some of his mom's attention. He stills Gunnars pacifer and tried to hide it. He doesn't like it when he cries and he is starting to be more and more whinny. He has been in timeout a lot more these past two weeks and mom has lost her patient with him due to lack of sleep and Mack getting in to trouble while I am feeding.

This picture is of Mack talking to Gunnar while he was crying. I was trying to get him talking but when Mack saw the camera he turned around and posed. I have five pictures trying to get him to turn back around and talk but each time he saw the camera he turned and posed.

P.S. This post was started at 9:00 am and was not finished until about 4:00 pm. Busy days filled with diapers, laundry, feedings, and trying very hard to catch a 10 min nap.

Introducing Gunnar Kale Ellison

2009-10-20T12:05:00.002-06:00

Gunnar is here!!
Born October 15th at 4:51 pm weighing 6lbs. 12 oz.

Labor was great. One push and he was here! He had low blood sugar so we had to monitor it close while in the hospital but he is great now and was released on Saturday. Mack couldn't come to the hospital due to the flu season so he got to see him on Saturday and really didn't care that he was here. He had too much fun at Grandma and Grandpa Gillman's and was too tired to care.

First day home.....

Now we are just taking one day at a time. Mack is now realizing he is not the center of attention no longer and has been testing my patients daily. Gunnar and I are still trying to figure out this breast feeding thing and sleeping more than an hour at night. We are praying it gets better each day. My laundry has doubled, diapers doubled, crying daily doubled and stress but really life is good. Glad he is finally here and healthy and well.
My family is great and thanks to all for their love and support!

Random Thoughts...Love my Family!!

2009-10-12T21:57:00.002-06:00

First off I loved conference weekend and the renewed sense of hope it gave me to face the next 6 months of my life. For the past month I have been wondering how am I going to be the mother of two??? I am worried about Mack and how he will react. He has been my buddy for almost two years...we have spent A LOT of time together.....and I wonder how he will be sharing my attention. This pregnancy has gone by so fast that I can't believe I will be having another baby soon. My husband is excited to be the father of two boys. He is a great father and a big help.
My cute missionary friend posted on her blog about dreams for her family in the future financially. I have some of her same dreams. I hope someday to not be living pay check to pay check putting more than a small amount in savings. I hope to own our own home one day. I hope someday I will not be so stressed about money and how are we going to make it. Although I have to say that each month we make it and have our bills paid for....I think that has a lot to do with paying our tithing faithfully. We are not rolling in the dough but we are being taken care of with a roof over our heads, food on our table, cars that run, and jobs which I am so thankful for!
I also know the Lord will take care of us. When I first found out I was pregnant with our second son I thought how are we going to provide for an additional baby? A scripture popped into my head.....The Lord gives us no commandments saves he prepares a way for us to accomplish that which he has commanded us. We are commanded to have children and I have faith he will help us fulfill this commandment financially and help me mentally be ready for two kids!

Lastly I want to tell my family how much I love them. My sisters are great and I love the relationship we have now. I love that we live close and get to see each other often.
My mom is also the best. Today was another Grandma Day. She had the kids dress up in their Halloween costumes and had a Halloween party out in the barn. She set up games and had dinner for them. What a great Grandma and great memories for Mack! Thanks Mom for all you do for our family!

Pink Eye, Pregnancy, and Passed Out

2009-09-29T13:18:00.002-06:00

Last weekend we took a quick trip to St. George to visit Rock's grandparents Snook and Papa Joe and our good friends Brent and Mary. Saturday was a very busy day for Mack from visiting Zion's National Park, early morning breakfast, dinner, Dixie Football game, and a late movie this is what happens at dinner after church the next day.

So we moved him from the table to the floor
ALL PASSED OUT!!

This is me about 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. This is the time of pregnancy when I am uncomfortable, have major heartburn, and get tired very very easily. I feel like I could literally sleep all day since I am up every hour going to the restroom all night.

Poor Mack had pink eye a couple of weeks ago. I think he got it from nursery at church. Poor guy could barely open his eyes. He was a trooper though and it really didn't seem to slow this kid down. I hate seeing my kid sick. It just breaks my heart. You want to help him but can't.

Mom's 50th/Pregnancy

2009-09-14T11:10:00.002-06:00

Well here I am about 71/2 months pregnant. It looks like we are going to get induced on Oct. 15th. Can't believe I am going to be a mother of 2 boys.

My mom and my sisters Lyndee Cally, and Katye. Katye is prego too due in January!! I have great sisters and a great mom.

Here is here Diet Coke cake. My mom loves her Diet Coke! 50 cans for 50 years!

Surprise!!! My sisters and I and my aunts threw her a surprise birthday party!

Now my mom is off on a cruise with all her friends who turned 50 this year. Have fun and I hope when I am 50 I look as great as she does!

Summer Fun and Labor Day Weekend at the Cabin....

2009-09-09T09:37:00.002-06:00

This picture is of Mack up American Fork Canyon getting dirty. That morning he fell down the stairs hence the bump on his head.

Wrestling with his cousins Jex and Dykell.

Labor Day Weekend we headed up to Fort Bridger Wyoming to spend the weekend at a family cabin. Mack had a blast learning how to...

GAMBLE on the toy slot machine.......

Ride a four wheeler with his cousins.....

Fly a kite......

Play cards....our family loves to play cards....

And play softball and football.

What a fun weekend with lots of family, food, and fun! Can't wait for next year!!

Family Photo in front of the cabin.

Reflections of my Thoughts.....

2009-08-20T09:57:00.005-06:00

Reflections:
*I hugged my little one a little more today. Held him a little tighter. I've heard of 4 tragic passings in the last few weeks of children from 0-2 years of age. 4 different reasons they are not here any more. 4 families that will never be the same. Grateful I haven't experienced that trial and hope I never do. My heart goes out to the families.
**Today as I was walking this morning with Mack I noticed buses out and about, kids walking to school and more cars out with mothers driving their kids to school. This scene made me a little sad for two reasons. One, I miss going to school. I miss the anticipation of the first day of school (although that only last a few hours), miss going to classes and sitting in a classroom setting. Today I realized how fast time flies by and soon I will be taking my kids to school. Second, I am sad that summer is almost over. Again time flies and I wish I would have had more adventures and made more memories. The summer has been great but there was so much more I wanted to do and see.
***This week for me as been full of challenges. I don't know if it is my hormones from being pregnant but I have been very frustrated lately and I really have nothing to be frustrated about. I guess it is just do to the fact that all I had planned this week has not gone as planned. I got a babysitter so Rock and I could go to the temple on Tuesday when the night before he informed me he had to work late on Tuesday. I was also planning on him watching Mack Wednesday while I went to work and he told me he probably had to work late that night too. So I found another babysitter only to be told on Tuesday night that Rock had the day off because he has to work on Saturday and Sunday. So I called the babysitter back and canceled. Sunday I planned a babysitter so Rock and I could go to the temple dedication when my babysitter thought it was the 30th instead of the 23rd. Not her fault at all but again a change in things I had all planned out. I also wanted to go to Education Week at least one night this week and it looks like that is not going to happen. I guess I need to learn to be more flexible and just go with the flow....but I am an organizer and planner. I am not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal....I know some people would like me to be....not planning causes me stress and yet planning causes me stress also. What is a girl to do???
****My son loves to watch the movie "Cars" from Disney. He asks me everyday if he can watch Cars and McQueen. I am torn between liking this and not. Liking it because I can get things done in a faster matter and a lot more done when he is entertained by this show, but not liking it because I feel I am neglecting him to be entertained by TV. Am I a bad mom for using TV to have a little alone time???
*****Last of all just want to say how much I love my family! My husband who is so patient and helpful with Mack and all my needs. To my sisters who I love and love the relationship we have now. I hope to always be close to them and the rest of my extended family. I love getting together and have BBQ's and picnics.

Long Update

2009-08-11T21:36:00.003-06:00

So here we are in August and I can't believe it. The summer really has flown by. I had a list of things I wanted to do and haven't really done any of it. I think this has to do with the fact that I really don't have much energy to do anything. This pregnancy has made me really tired with no motivation.
I can't complain because I really have had an easy pregnancy compared to my sister Katye. For the first 14 weeks she has been so sick having to visit the hospital each Monday to get an IV since she was so dehydrated from vomiting all the time. Hopefully she is feeling better.
August is a month full of birthday's for my family. My sisters Katye and Lyndee, nephew Jex, Great Grandma, aunt JaNean, and my mom all have birthdays in August. This year my mom turns 50! Planning a big surprise for her! She has already had my grandpa make her a wooden walking stick.
I am a little sad at the fact that my dad is hanging it up on coaching softball. I know it is time and parents and players have lead to him not wanting to be at the field anymore. I didn't think that would ever happen. He use to love the game and going to the ball field. It is too bad and I am going to miss watching games since the game has been part of our family for over 30 years.

My mom and sisters visited the Oquirrah Mount Temple which I loved.

Mack loves to read books. He climbed up on the kitchen table to read his books from the library.

Mack is truly Rock's son. He loves to eat popcorn and watch baseball like his dad!

Now it is on to getting ready to be a mother of two! I can't believe it will be here in about 2 months. I have a list of things I would like to get done to prepare for this and hopefully I can find enough motivation and energy to get these projects done.

Four Wheeling!

2009-07-23T13:48:00.005-06:00

Four Wheel Riding with Papa!

Last Saturday we went up Fairview Canyon to spend the day four wheeling with the Gillman side of the family. Mack loves to be on the four wheeler but the helmet he had to wear was just too heavy for his little head. He rode for about an hour and then wanted the helmet off! So he sat on a four wheeler and pretended to ride.

Mack is growing up soo fast! He went into Nursery last month and loves it....thank goodness. He has no problem being in with the toys and kids and the teachers are great! He also is taking great naps. He sleeps for about 2 1/2 to 3 hours daily which I love. I have not had a lot of energy this pregnancy and while he naps I nap! I guess it doesn't help when I don't sleep much at night due to my every 2 hour trips to the restroom. I also think I am exhausted because our home has no airconditioning. That seep all energy I have right out of me. So after Mack wakes up we are in the car where it is cool. Poor guy is getting sick of his car seat and going from one store to the next. We have to do something to keep cool. The fans in our house are not really doing the trick!