Lately I have really been struggling with this whole mother thing. I have always wanted to be a mother. But I have been struggling lately. At times I would have it no other way, but there are days when I want to pull my hair out and go back to work for a break. I sometimes wonder what my purpose in life is?????? When working I felt like I was contributing to society and was fulfilled at the end of the day with the work I was doing. Why couldn't I feel this way with being home with Mack.
Last night while feeding at 2 am-we are back to every 4 hour feeding in the night-I was reading "I Am A Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. I loved it and read almost the entire book. I realized again that the greatest work I will do is to raise children. I knew this before but the Lord has to continue to remind me. My life is now to teach my kids about their Heavenly Father and his Son. My purpose is not to be a seminary secretary anymore. One day I may have to opportunity to return to work when my kids are older but since giving birth I am now and will forever be a mother.
First a wife, mother, and then a employee, a young women leader, etc. Do any of you struggle and what do you do?
8 comments:
I'm so glad that you're doing this whole blog thing, its actuall pretty dang cool if you stop & really think about it! plus its really informational, so lets hope your former companions & anyone else who wants check it out does:)
There have been moments where I felt that way. But because I had to work with M and felt like I missed so much, I really appreciate it now. Just think of every new thing he does everyday and how you would miss it. I miss teaching a little and struggled at first. I remember when we moved here saying that I missed being a part of something bigger. I did really feel useful. But now that M is getting older I can see how important it is to be home. They need us to teach them. He needs consistency which is something he didn't get at Mack's age. Mack is so lucky to have that from day one and it will make for a happier more confident little boy. Children who are confident in themselves turn out to be more productive, better people and then one day you get to see all your hard work really contribute to society. And sorry to rant but it's also important to find ways to serve. My friend Holly reminded me that when I am truly happy it is because I have found some way to serve someone else everyday. Then you feel more fulfilled. You are one of the most service oriented people I know so you are probably already doing this but now maybe you'll think about all those good things you do and feel even better!
Shanie, funny you thought this, because I kind of had been thinking about the whole "perspective" of the mom thing and what do you know I picked up the April Ensign. There is a nice article about mothers in there. I'm not sure if it said anything ground breaking, but it made me feel like "yah, Heavenly Father loves us mothers, sooooo much, and here is this article to remind me of that."
I love that book too! I need to find it and re-read it. It has some great stuff in there to remind us all what our true purpose is. I definitely have days where I think, "hmmm...if I was employed to be a mother--I think I would have gotten fired today." But, gratefully, there's always tomorrow to "be a little better."
It's nice to hear that we all feel the same way. It is a hard one. My whole life I have wanted to be a mom but now that I'm, it not quite what I hoped it would be. I should find and read that book too.
Thank you all for your comments! Great insights. Melanie I read that article and loved it! Brittany thanks for the insight about raising a confident boy. Everytime I am struggling with being a mom I am going to come to my blog and remember these comments!
Shanie, it's nice to read something so honest. I think everyone struggles at times and it is nice to know that there are others that feel the same. I think as wives and mothers we all just want to feel appreciated for all we do. With Matt gone at school so much I don't get all the praise I used to get when he was home more and saw all I do. So sometimes as stupid as it sounds...At the end of the day I think about everything I did(feedings,diapers,cooking,cleaning,resolving little twin disputes,etc:) and I give myself my own pat on the back and say...."Marianne you are a great mom and you did your best today!" It really helps even if I don't really feel that way. So give yourself a pat on the back for all your doing for that little baby, and know it's the most important thing you could be doing right now.
Shane, Brent said you're not built to be a seminary secretary but one day you will be a baseball secretary and you can bring Mack to work with you. And you can have lunch with Mary every day if you want.
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