Learning to accept....

I am learning to accept certain things in my life that has not been easy for me to surrender acceptance to. I am still learning but we are getting closer and closer to surrending daily.
I know now why one of the reason's Heavenly Father wants me to be married. To overcome my selfishness. It is hard for me to accept the fact that my life is centered around two boys and a husband. My husband has whole heartly accepted this and loves it. Me on the other hand is still adjusting even after 3 years of motherhood. I like to come and go as I please. Now to go anywhere it is a production of snacks, bottles, sippy cup, car seats, coats, hats, and toys to entertain with. And that is just a trip to the grocery store. All you mothers know the joys of shopping with two toddlers in toe.
Church, why go when you are just entertaining two boys and trying not to make a scene as Mack is on the floor crying and yells don't take me to the car while Gunnar is screaming because Mack took a toy away from him. Yes I know to teach them church is important. Right now I hope my testimony is growing through just making the effort to go to church. FHE last 10 minutes tops since a 3 year old has not attention span at all, scripture study is from a childrens version, and prayers and spend trying to get the 3 year old to old still and not climb on our backs.
As a prior post indicated I am a sweats, t-shirt, no make-up, hair in a pony mother these days. I miss my sleep, sleeping 8 hours peacefully with no interruptions. Again me being selfish. I like going to work and being busy with things that feel my days, but these days I am trying to just get through the ground hog days of the same thing over and over again. I am trying to accept the fact that the Lord wants me home more than at work, and that the kids I have are to teach me patients and other things. Believe me when you have a day full of whinning and unwilling to listen to you from a 3 year old, screaming loudly from a 1 year old, through a fit and arguing with you about everything and anything, mopping the floor for the 5th time today, diarreha from both boys for the third day, and still not having Christmas decorations up after trying for 5 days now, I just want to escape to be by myself for a few hours. But for now this is my escape. My 1/2 hour typing on the computer while my kids are napping.
These are my boys and though I get so frustrated with them sometimes just know when they are throwing a fit and being well unruly...just know I am trying the best I can to teach them. But when timeouts, spankings, taking toys away, threatening, being nice and patient, speaking firmly and yet kindly, hugging them and telling them I love them, rewarding for good behavior, gritting my teeth as not to totally lose it, or just plan screaming at the top of my lungs to hopefully get my point across, and they still don't get it, really I am trying. I love them and someday this will all be worth it.
I love them to death and really I am thankful to have a family of my own and if I would just fully surrender this motherhood thing would be, not easier but rewarding in my eyes. For now our family is of 4 and that is how it will stay for a while now until I can regain composure and learn to surrender.
Props to all you moms who can and love this calling, I am still learning!