What others think...

I was over to my mom's house Sunday afternoon enjoying good food and being with family after my sister's missionary farewell talk. I saw a list posted that stated things to make us happy. One of them listed was "what others think about you is none of your business". For the past two days that statement keeps popping in my head. I am a person who tends to try and please other people and worry about what they think. In my defense it was worse in high school, but I still have a tendency to still try and please others; worrying too much what they think of me. I believe I have missed out on things like making new friends, wasting too much time on my apperance, what others think of my parenting skills, seeking approval aka approval of men for my efforts, etc. causing my self unnecessary worry.

Let me address the issue of spending too much time and sometimes money on my apperance. I read an article that got me thinking about this http://www.ldsliving.com/story/63275-beauty-redefined

I was shocked to learn that Utah is the Vaniest state in 2007 and 2008.
Apparently I am not the only ones trying to please others and worry about what they think.

I really don't worry about the clothes I wear, if I have make-up on, or if my hair is done every day. As I posted earlier....
These days I don't feel all that girly. I use to have to dress up everyday to go to work wearing a dress and make-up. These days I wear a dress and make-up to church. It is my one time to get dressed up and feel girly. Why don't I dress up and feel girly you ask...I will tell you why.
I don't put on nice clothes during the day because by the end of the day I am covered in baby food that Gunnar thinks is funny to spit out when I feed him or dirt from Mack giving me a huge hug after he has played in the dirt all day. Stains from changing diapers, or spit up from Gunnar. So I dress in t-shirts and shorts that I don't care if they get dirty.
Make-up...I don't put it on because as I try to put it on Mack is there playing with it and it ends up on the floor, the walls, on my shirt, or on his face. Instead of taking 5 minutes to put on it takes 1/2 hour and another 1/2 hour to clean up the mess.
My shoes...I wear socks and gym shoes daily. Hence my farmer tan that all can see at church. I don't wear flip flops or cute sandles for two reasons. One, I can't run fast in these shoes to catch Mack when he starts to run away from me. Second, because my toes get stepped on lots during the day from Mack when he wants to wrestle with me or wants to hold me. Gunnar also wants to suck my toes...gross.
Jewelery, forget it. It ends up in Gunnars mouth or broken.
My hair...that is all together another story. I mostly wear a pony tail. Takes to long to try and curl it, keeps Gunnar from pulling my hair, and keeps Mack and Gunnar from burning their hands on my hot curling iron.
There you go. So for the next few years, until my kiddos are grown and in school and I am forced to work again and forced to get all girly up..this is what I look like. A mother with two small kids.
(I am going to work on my apperance I little more. I realized I spend a lot of time making my house clean when nobody visits and is going to see a little mess. So even though I don't really go anywhere I am going to try and dress up occasionally and put on make-up if only mascara daily. It helps to make me feel better.)

My real problem lies in the weight of my body and what others think. I am not a size 2 or 4 or even an 8. So according to society I am overweight. Although I feel very healthy I am still overweight to others.

The past few days a couple of people have told me they have noticed I have lost weight and that I look good. I should take this as a compliment but instead I am worried. I weigh the same as I did 6 months ago. I work out everyday and try and eat healthy most of the time but honestly I weigh the exact same. Maybe I am gaining muscle and losing inches but I haven't noticed a change in the way my clothes fit.

After coming home from my mission weighing 60 lbs more than when I left, my weight has been an obsession of mine. I lost 50 lbs of the extra weight but, not counting pregnancies, I have weighed the same for the past 5 years.

Back to the statement "what others think of you is none of your business"

I still think it is important to exercise and eat healthy, but not to take it to the extreme. Little changes at a time. Excerise is now a habit of mine and I love to eat healthy because of they way it makes me feel. I am healthier than I have ever been with low cholesterol, good heart beat, etc. but it has been a gradual process. I am tired of reading article after article trying to find a way to lose that last 15 lbs I want to lose only to become so confused on the best way. One diet says eat potatoes, another says don't, one says stay away completely from carbs, another says you need carbs, one says eat brown rice, another says don't. Do this exercise, don't do this exercise, mix it up, keep it the same, etc. I am done. I am going to stop worrying so much about it. I am going to eat healthy eliminating the amount of sugar I eat daily gradually to where I only need to eat it once a week. This may take a few months. I am still going to excercise but mix it up and not worry so much if I miss a day. If the weight comes off great, if not I am going to learn to love my body at the size it is and stop worrying about what others think of my body.

I noticed this month the gym I attend is packed, by next month it will not be so crowded, and by April we will be back to the same people that have been there for the past three years I have been a member! Gradual changes!