Yes, any day our family will be welcoming another boy, and my emotions are all over the place. I am starting to have contractions every few hours and when a contraction comes my first thought is no not yet I am not ready to be a mother of three and then a hour later when I have heart burn, I can't bend over, can't sit or sleep I am ready to have the baby and be done being pregnant. Then it is back to the thought no not yet, this may or may not be my last pregnancy so I am try to savor every moment of the pregnancy but there comes a point when you don't want to savor being uncomfortable.
Who knows what the Lord has planned for me in how many kids I will have. But I am getting older and this pregnancy for me physically and emotionally and honestly financially has not been easy. For me it was hard to keep up with two energetic boys while being pregnant. I wanted and had so much planned to do with them for the summer and we just didn't get to do it. My feelings for now is that I am done after this baby with this season of my life having kids. I saw a mom at a baseball game the other day chasing her one year old boy and I thought am I ready to be chasing another boy, not just one but three now? Maybe it was me being pregnant and exhausted at the time but will I be physically ready when I am not???
Did any of you mom's out there always know from the time you where young how many kids you where going to have? Some have told me yes, one always knew she would have 4 or 6, etc. I have never really thought about it. I NEVER thought I would have three boys. I thought for sure I would have girls. And yet most aspects of my life I never thought would happen. I NEVER thought I would go on a LDS mission, get married or marry the wonderful man I did. I never planned on getting pregnant 5 months after being married or being pregnant now. I know the Lord is giving me this responsibility of being a mother to teach me patients and to not be so selfish. My kids came to teach me. I loved being single, loved working, loved earning my own money, travelling, doing things when I wanted. And being a mother has been hard to learn to adjust from taking care of me to three, almost four other people, four boys. Hard to adjust to be unselfish.
I struggle daily wanting to work, work full time. I work part time, 15 hours a week max and for me this is my escape. I have prayed hard and long about working full time. In some ways it would help us financially and in other ways it would hurt our family right now when my kids are young. For a mom to work is different then for a dad to work. (I won't get into that right now.) I worked a few weeks full time and the stress of taking care of all I take care of during the day at night and finding care for my kids was stressful. And yet I like to be busy and stressed sometimes. Just staying home and creating a learning environment for me kids is hard.
Last month I had an experience that left me feeling so guilty and depressed as a mother. It left me really questioning my ability to be a mother to three kids.
On face book I read a quote by Pres. Hinckley (LDS Prophet) that said
"Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out."
So I am relying on this advice. Working on happy spirit with three young boys so it will work out!
4 comments:
Hey Shanie,
This is Geri from high school. I think I was meant to open your blog today. I really needed to read that quote you posted. Although my situation is different it still applies. Good luck to you during your delivery and raising your 3 boys!
I totally get all of this. I don't miss work but am often overwhelmed by my life. You're normal. Most people just don't talk outloud about it. You're doing fine. Can't wait to see you!
You are so cute! I think you are a great mom! When I read your blog I think "man, I need to be more fun and do more fun things with my boys!" We are seriously so boring around her. I think that we just grow into each stage and change in life. Not that they are easy, but we can do them. If we couldn't, Heavenly Father wouldn't have us be doing them.
When I was little I ALWAYS wanted 6 kids. By the time I was in college I just knew I would have 4...2 boys, 2 girls. It didn't turn out that way. Most days I ache for more kids. In fact, today at Costco I saw a cute little girl and almost had a breakdown becaue I want another baby so bad. I believe things don't really happen like we plan, but usually they are better. I couldn't love my babies any more, I think they are perfect, doesn't stop the ache for more, but sometimes I think I love and appreciate them more because I know there are no more. Sorry, that was longer than I planned. But...you can do this and you will do great at it!! Good luck, can't wait to meet #3.
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