Catch up Update, Motherhood, Money, Frustrations

From the title of this post you can see this is going to be long, but there is much to write about and catch up. For a month now we have been battling sick kids and parents. Started with both Mack and Gunnar have colds turning into an ear infection for Mack, then I got sick with a cold, Mack with healing for a few days, Gunnar with pink eye, Mack then having the flu bug throwing up for a couple of days, then three days of fevering on and off then to the doctor with a 105 temp and another ear infections, followed by Rock having a sore throat and a rash on his feet, hands, arms, legs, etc. and now I have a sore throat. I am getting tired of being sick and sick kids. I know it is part of the season and kids will get sick but after 4+ weeks it is time to get healthy again.


Mack and Gunnar can play great to gether one minute and the next they are fighting over toys. Gunnar is a screamer and it drives me nuts. Mack has been a huge helper lately in doing dishes and making his bed. He says "Yes, mame" but gets really frustrated with Gunnar always taking his toys. It is hard spending lots of time at home and I must admit they have been watching too much TV as I am running out of entertainment ideas.


I am working at the Legacy Center on Wednesday and Saturdays and this is the last week of Jr. Jazz. It hasn't been a bad year. I was in charge of the kindergarten to 3rd graders and really no real drama there with crazy parents or coaches yelling at refs or fights breaking out. It is a nice break to get out of the house a couple times a week. Rock is working in N. Ogden and we never kmow when he will be home at night. I am grateful that he has a job but I find myself complaining that he doesn't make more money, his hours suck, and that I can't really plan a family outing or dinner together because I never know what his schedule is. I find myself envious of those husbands with jobs who have a set schedule everyday, is home the same time and makes enough money that you can provide for your family without worrying about how and what are we going to spend our money on this week? Tithing, food, & bills are pretty much where all our money goes to with not much left over. I would love a little breathing room financially. Not to be rich but just some space so I don't feel anxious come Tuesday and we have $20 that has to last until Friday. That is a huge frustration right now for me. I feel very anxious and stressed about finances daily. My faith and patiences are being tested. I am trying to do the right thing for my family, obey commandments and have faith it is just hard. I really am trying to not compare myself to others and just be grateful that Rock has a job in this economy, but the greed of owners, fraud, and other things make it hard when companies are really low balling their employees.


Can anyone give some advice on how to fulfill the faith with out works is dead? You see I feel we have to do are part and have faith that things will work out. I feel Rock and I have done our part (work) in trying to find a new job or not. We have fasted, prayed, been to the temple, etc. in our quest to help ourselves financially and obey what the prophets have counselled in getting out of debt, save, pay tithing, live within our means and yet we get the same answer for Rock to remain at his job? I am just confused by this and trying to be supported of Rock and his decision when I don't understand why? When you live pay check to pay check just to pay the necessities of life there is not saving for an emergency or a medical procedure that the insurance will not cover? We don't pay for cable, we have the cheapest cell phone plan with no internet, picture mail, etc., no home phone, we have two cars but only pay a car payment for one, have done our research and found the cheapest best car insurance, etc. I feel we are doing our part and yet my faith in lacking in Heavenly Father helping us? Am I just not recognizing my blessings? Please tell me bluntly that I need a reality check, have more faith and be grateful.


We had Stake Conference a few weeks ago. The theme of the conference was the Proclaimation on the Family. At the same time Stake Conference happened I was offered a job to work for an eye doctor in Lehi. He would pay very well, it would be part time all day Tues. and Thurs. and Wed. nights and yet as I sat reading the proclaimation I knew I shouldn't take the job. As soon as I turned the job down I had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders but yet it would help us financially. I thought it was an answer to my prayers to help us financially and yet I knew it wasn't right? I just don't understand? Am I not understanding inspiration? Was I suppose to take that job? I know my role is mother first but with life as it is now days mothers have to work? I am just so torn between feeling guilty for working and not being able to provide financially for my kids?




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