So many emotions have been felt in this month coupled with so many wonderful and yet unexpected experiences. As I write this blog post I feel very blessed by all the miracles and blessing we have received from ward members and family members and our Heavenly Father and yet I feel very overwhelmed and defeated in my life. As I look at my life through natural eyes or the eyes of the world I feel as though no matter how hard my husband and I have tried we are just not accomplishing our hopes and dreams...maybe our hopes and dreams are based solely on worldly things and the fact that we lack in that area...we have been missing the spiritual wealth we are gaining through these challenges. I hope in the future and when I leave this life I will be a millionaire when it comes to the spiritual blessing I have earned and searched for. My hopes and dreams will be realized in the blessing of a forever family, an eternal companion who I can share eternal life with, and a strong testimony that I will never deny. My hope is to one day look at trials and be thankful for them because of the things I get to learn from them. I guess due to natural man tendencies that is harder to do than say.
March 3, 4, 5 we took the kids out of school and decided to take a family vacation to....Salt Lake City!! It funny to think as parents we feel we are lacking when we can't afford to take our kids to Disneyland or Hawaii and the boys just loved to stay in a hotel and swim. Swim in a hotel with no toys or slides was the greatest thing ever. Getting to jump in and have dad catch them was awesome. We visited Discovery Gateway the boys loved and spent the whole day there, and our last adventure was to Temple Square and watching the Restoration movie. I felt so content and so happy with my little family. I love my boys and husband, a husband who plays and enjoys being with my boys!
A family vacation that was so simple in planning, not far from home but wonderful to be with those I love and get away from the mundane things of life and have fun together.
On Monday March 9th I was visiting my Great Grandma Maxfield in her assistant living home with my Grandma and Grandpa Carter and my aunt Josette. She had a massive stroke the Friday before I was expected to die soon. I came to say goodbye and while I was there she passed away. I got to experience my great grandma pass on to the other side. It was a very spiritual experience and hard to explain all I felt at that moment but I will never forget it. Her funeral was Saturday the 14th of March and it was short and sweet with two musical numbers, my mom giving her life sketch and her branch president giving a few words. I saw lots of family members we have not seen in a while. Growing up we had such good times but because of hard feeling over materialist things that does not happen anymore. Sad to think the things of this world get in the way of family relationships. I love to be with family.
Thursday March 19th Rock was told that he was getting laid off. Here we go again, trying to find another job like we had been for the past two years. When he told me I was upset but no as upset as I had the other two times he had been laid off. I felt peace and I recognized that peace that we would be okay. In fact it was so nice to have Rock home for the weekend and that not had happened much since May of 2014.
My feelings of defeat come in the fact that we have worked hard in trying to provide for our family. We have sacrificed the finer things in life to try and stay out of debt and for me to stay home with my kids. So that I can teach them and nurture them. Yet as we have tried to do this it has not worked out for us. It has been a struggle for us to find a job that can provided for our kids, pay off debt, and put some in savings and build a food storage. A job that we can keep, that I can stay home. This is were my feeling of defeat come in. My feelings of hopes and dreams are not coming true. It is not like I am asking for a million dollars. Again we are being taken care of just not in the way I think we should be. We don't have a new home, a fancy house with new furniture, but we have never gone hungry and we have two vehicles and a roof over our heads. My husband keeps reminding me that we are blessed. Our kids are not sick and we have not gone hungry. It is me comparing myself to others, mainly to other family members. Your right I do not know their struggles.
Wednesday March 25, 2015 I got a call at about 7:50 am from Rock..well it was not Rock it was the hospital calling to tell me Rock had an accident. He fell 20 feet at work and was at the Emergency Room at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo. She said Rock had been in an accident. My first thought was a car accident until she explained he had fallen at work. I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for a busy day. I keep thinking about that phone call. So unexpected and so life changing in a sense. My neighbor Charitee Davies came to sit with Gunnar and Hudson until my mom could come over from work. I rushed to the emergency room and found him there. He had to ride in an ambulance. He broke both shoulder blades, ribs and fractures along his spine. He is so blessed that he did not hit his head, break his legs, broke his neck, etc. I got to the emergency room around 8:15 am. Shortly after Bishop Warner who Rock was working for came and Rock's dad came shortly after that. Cally watched my kids as I spent the day at the hospital. Rock was moved to Neuro-Shock ICU around 10 am and spent the night there. Dan Davies, Skeet, Heather, came to visit him in ICU. Thursday I stayed at hospital until 10pm and then went home to sleep. I remember waking up the next morning knowing something was wrong but not quite knowing what. I was wondering why my kids were not home and then it dawned on me that Rock was in the hospital. Thursday I taught a seminary class and thought it went great. Tuesday March 31st I found out the quest for becoming a seminary teacher will not be happening for me. I just don't understand. I guess I did not have to best of intentions on teaching though I thought I did. I love being with the youth and have always wanted to work again in CES. I have had faith since quitting to have Mack that someday I would work with youth again. I just don't understand what the Lord wants me to accomplish or become. I cried and was really struggling that Tuesday March 31st. Wondering what we are going to do to provide for our kids and pay our bills etc. We have been blessed. Rock's Grandpa Twitchell gave us some money and told us we didn't need to pay rent for a couple of months. Gunnar's preschool teacher said we don't have to pay for preschool for April and May. The ward brought in dinner for us for a full week and then some so that has been a huge blessing. Rock had lots of visitors at the hospital mostly skeet, his dad, my mom, sisters, ward members, his Grandpa and Mary.
Thursday March 26th Rock moved up to the 4th floor so the boys could come and see him. Mack was having a hard time and would cry at school but as soon as he saw his dad was okay he was fine. It was hard to juggle being at the hospital and be home with my boys. Rock came home on Saturday morning March 28th. He didn't get much rest in the hospital and it was nice to have him home. But keeping the boys quiet and letting dad know that he was Broke Down. I feel very blessed through this experience with wonderful friends and family and ward members helping us and yet I feel very defeated in quest of providing for our family. Monday March 30th Jamie-rock's mom came and spent a few days with us helping with Rock and the boys. I had to work Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday nights to help bring in some money. She was a great help! I was sad to see her go. I really appreciated her help.
So this month has been a rollercoaster of emotions and events. Contentment on a family vacation, spiritual experience and yet sad at my Great Grandma's funeral, Rock's accident, to no opportunity to become a seminary teacher to wondering how we are going to provide for our family to being blessed. See what April will bring.
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